Sometimes someone comes along and embodies confidence is such a delightful, genuine way that I am blown away with their fabulousness.  Enjoy a bit of Gaby’s “Prom night in Hollywood”.

Gabourey Sidibe takes confidence to new heights!

“Nuff said.

I continue to notice both in my private practice as well as in my volunteer work some consistently recurring patterns (hey, it’s what I do) that effectively hamstring the some of the finest folks you’d ever want to meet.

Which of these PITFALLS apply to you?

1) Negative self talk: This dandy includes internal beratement as well as what I like to call “the stories we tell ourselves”. These stories include seemingly “factual” declarations such as, “I can’t rely on anyone else ever”, “No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead”, “The world is not a nice place”, “Money is scarce”.

The best and fastest solution to counteract the ill effects of this sort of toxic self talk is to shout “STOP” in your head every time you realize you’re talking crappy to yourself. Take a deep breath. Then use a positive affirmation immediately to counteract it. I like these, “Even before I begin, I am made of win!” and “I, <name>, am continually showered with blessings.”

2) Refusing help: Over and over I see really smart people do the same dumb thing: when faced with a daunting challenge or circumstance they do not ask for help. They fail to use the abundant resources around them, and then wonder why their lives are so hard. Even worse, those same people outright refuse fine, useful offers of assistance, help, support, and encouragement. They stubbornly, steadfastly insist that they can do everything just fine all by themselves in the face of contradictory results. They refuse to acknowledge that they are allowing, yes even encouraging their pride, ego, embarrassment or stubbornness to make their lives harder by requiring personal effort instead of expanding their life skills repertoire to include delegation, inclusion, and cooperation.

(whew, that was wordy)

Here’s what I know: we did not incarnate on a planet of over 6 billion people to do everything alone, fercrissakes. In fact, the very smartest, most savvy folks I’ve ever known have sought out help (assistance, cooperation, support) early and often. It’s one of the key practices that materially contributes to their overall success in life.

For more information about getting quality help, please refer to my recent blog series, “Get some allies!”

In the next part of this series I’ll be disclosing another couple of pitfalls and sharing some strategies for avoiding and/or dealing with them.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

Welcome back to the 3 part series, “Get some allies!”. In Part 1, I talked about how important it is to have allies in the first place. In Part 2, I spoke of the difference between allies and them what’s not.  This is the final installment, wherein I help you to identify the key characteristics that make up a true ally.

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So, what makes a good ally? For personal or business allies, the criteria are the same:

• Shares your ethical values
• Demonstrates good judgment
• Doing their best to live their life according to their Highest Self
• Tells you the truth
• Celebrates your success enthusiastically
• Demonstrates goodwill as a main character trait

And these three critical humdingers:

• Has your best interests at heart
• Has your back (is loyal)
• Encourages your growth, prosperity and purposeful risk taking

You don’t choose allies out of fear or not wanting to hurt their feelings. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s not a contest at all. This is about picking a team/tribe/community to surround you who will help you cultivate and express your best.

Here’s an easy, straightforward method for helping you distinguish between allies and them what ain’t.

First, make a list of everyone in your life who you love, trust, admire, are close with, respect, spend time with regularly and/or are related to.  Make the list thorough; when in doubt, include them.

Then run every single name on that list through the list of ally qualities above. Be honest, and trust your gut over your “better judgment” here. Who are your real allies? I’ll bet there are surprises and disappointments on that list. You’ve quickly become aware that some folks who you thought were your allies aren’t. But on the bright side, some folks you might have never previously considered turned up as candidates for future alliances.

Now, there will be a short list of people whom you hold in highest esteem. Make a list comprising the top 5 of these worthies.

Here’s the risky, delicious, really cool fun part: go ask each and every one of them to be your ally. The folks who pass your litmus test will say yes. Really, they will. Tell them your plans, hopes, goals and dreams. Ask theirs, and after listening intently, propose an alliance between you to assist each other in the achievement of each other’s goals. Some allies will offer energetic support. Others will offer practical support and solutions.

Go ahead, prove me right. Ask, and enjoy the advantages that having allies will bring your increasingly fabulous life.

Ask. I dare you.

Did you stop to think that I might be your ally?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

In part one of this 3 part series, I talked about how important it is to surround yourself with allies.

Now it’s time to talk about who to choose as your allies. The allies you choose will be instrumental on your path to success. The wrong choices can materially contribute to your failures. It’s up to you to choose wisely and well. Hoo boy, no pressure there, huh?

Okay, so what IS an ally? Allies are the people with whom you deliberately create strategic alliances for your mutual betterment. You share common goals, values, and optimal operating practices with these people. You know how they feel, because they call you forth and gladly encourage your greatness.

You might assume that all your friends and family are automatically your allies. Not so fast. In many instances, they’re not. They want what they want for you, clouded with their fears for your well being, their projections, their insecurities, their attachments and agenda for how they think you should be living your life. At their worst, they are likely to act jealous and profoundly unsupportive. They might mean well (or not), but they’re just not necessarily the best default choices.  As a matter of fact, when it comes to choosing allies, there ARE no default choices.

Now don’t get me wrong. Some of your friends and family, former teachers, mentors, coaches, classmates, business partners, colleagues and spiritual advisors can make GREAT allies. But choose carefully. Just because they express love and support does not mean they’ll encourage your growth, especially if your growth comes to threaten the way they live their own life or their present relationship with you. They might actually come to deeply resent you.

Your allies can come from any part of your life. In preparation for Part 3 of this series, make a list of everyone you think might be a potential ally, whether they are an ally of yours now, or even if you don’t know if you’d dare to ask them to be your ally (or not). We’ll be doing some great examination of your list with the contents of the next post. Stay tuned.

Who do you think your allies might be?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra wee dram of confidence every now and again.”

You’ve heard the old adage: people are like snowflakes, no two are alike. Essential and delightful are all those differences. Worthy of celebration.
Society, humanity, tribe, family, partners. While our similarities draw us together, it’s really the differences that make it go. The differences between us give our world richer flavor, greater opportunities, more options. We [...]

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Here’s the first part of a pearl …
GET SOME ALLIES.
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During my long reign as Queen of Confidence I have witnessed many triumphs and tragedies of confidence. Periodically I’ll be sharing what I hope shall be pithy insights intended to act as cautionary tales and inspirational anecdotes as well as practical tools for improving one’s own sense of confidence. You’ll also find powerful questions, confidence [...]

Here’s the finishing part of a short series on one my favorite words:
VITALITY
Which we have already ascertained is cool for being a peculiarity, amongst other things. Now let’s talk about vitality and Life Purpose.
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Here’s a quick 2 part series about one of the words I really love.
VITALITY.
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vitality: 1) a. the peculiarity that [...]

This is an ongoing series of posts on various subjects for which I lacked a decent Google-searchable keyword title. Searching Google for ideas produced, “PEARLS OF WISDOM”, which has such a rich flavor of hubris and chuzpah that I just HAD to use it.
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Here’s what I’ve learned about Life Purpose and and Universe at large: [...]