During my long reign as Queen of Confidence I have witnessed many triumphs and tragedies of confidence played out before my sometimes dismayed, occasionally amused and always interested eyes. Periodically I’ll be  sharing choice pithy insights which are intended to act as cautionary tales and inspirational anecdotes as well as practical tools for improving one’s own sense of confidence.   You’ll also find powerful questions, confidence tasks and useful affirmations included from time to time, meant to enhance your own sense of confidence. These tips will be shared sporadically, as the inspiration moves me. Keep coming back, because you never know what I’ll say. So there. Neener.

Your Confidence Tip of the Day:

PERSONAL HYGIENE MATTERS!

Really.  It does. No matter what you think, you are indeed judged, however unconsciously on the part of your viewer, by your personal appearance. Therefore, it’s in your best interests to make the most of what you’ve got. This advice is true, no matter your financial status.

Here are some easy ways to enhance your confidence credibility for little to no money:

• Take a shower, fercrissakes. Use deodorant
• Brush your teeth
• Floss
• Get a haircut
• Touch up your roots, ladies
• Gentlemen, trim your nose, ear and eyebrow hairs. Please.
• Manicures matter
• Take it easy on the cologne/perfume, all y’all! It’s not a substitute for clean human.
• Refrain from wearing stained, torn or wrinkled clothing
• Keep your shoes in good repair, polished and “well heeled”

You following me here? Good grooming communicates confidence through self care and pride of personal presentation. You don’t need to wear the latest fashions, but be clean, tidy and well groomed. This kind of personal appearance care says, “I have confidence” before you even open your mouth.  Easy peasy.

Action plan: Go through your closet and dresser and get rid of the clothing that is torn, stained, ill fitting or unflattering. Take your shoes to the cobbler for repair and while you’re there, buy shoe polish. Everyone, men and women alike, should go get a basic manicure. How’s your haircut?

Confidence questions: What does my personal appearance say about me right now? What would I like my personal appearance to say about me?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence, and you can, too!”

Welcome back to my latest 2 part blog series, “Confidence and personal appearance” In my first post, I recounted my experience at a recent BizTechDay conference I attended wherein I was dressed in a way that was not expressing what I had really wanted to convey, and how it affected my feelings of confidence. Since I know that genuine confidence comes from within, I was dismayed at what appeared to be my seemingly shallow, unevolved reactions.

I mean how could I,  Queen of Confidence, let something like my wardrobe choices affect my personal confidence level?

In retrospect, I realized some pretty powerful things were at play, potent energies and deep inner wisdom that I had deliberately chosen to ignore.

I had refused to listen to my gut when dealing with Plan B. In my frustration I had decided, “Awwww F*#K it!”, and allowed my doubt and negative mind chatter (instead of my Best Self) to dictate my choice of attire. I actually had Plan A style clothes that I could wear, but I chose to ignore my gut instincts and chose another outfit, one that did not accurately reflect what it was I wanted to put out into the world that day. I felt uneasy as a result, not grounded in my power.

But was it the clothes, really? Nope, the inappropriate clothes were merely a symptom of the underlying problem. The problem was not the clothes, but how I decided. I mistrusted my intuition. Bad idea. Always.

The lesson I learned anew:  it’s not the duds, it’s the gut. When I honor my gut feelings, my intuitive hits, I stay firmly rooted in my power. When I don’t, I feel weak and powerless, buffeted by external events and opinions to my ultimate detriment.  Not exactly the best scenario for the Queen of Confidence.

Needless to say, the solution was easily accomplished: I went home and quickly changed into some grey pinstripes (Plan A). Intuition honored, I proceeded to ROCK that conference, making amazing connections and great new friends. Honoring my inner wisdom made alllllll the difference.

The moral of our little story? Trust your gut over your “better judgment”. It will never, ever steer your wrong.

Question of the day: What would it take for me to really trust my gut?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence, and you can, too!”

Confidence and personal appearance is the topic today.

Okay, so I’ve been talking ad nauseum about how real, genuine confidence comes from deep within oneself. And it’s true.  It really is. So on the surface, this story might seem to contradict that basic truism.

That being said……

I went to the BizTechDay conference in Burlingame for the last two days. Wonderful event, kudos and thanks go to Edith Yeung for putting on another successful event!

So, here’s what happened: I had planned an outfit according to my usual criteria: tone of event, astrological phase of the moon, time of day, region of event, type of attendees,  all that stuff.  Grey power combo accented with purple was my choice. Got up and found out that not only was one of the garments I wanted wrinkled beyond belief, but I’ve lost so much weight recently that nothing I had planned to wear really fit.

Le sigh.

Time for Plan B. Knowing that I was going to the event with my Film Maker friend, I decided to IGNORE my gut instincts that were screaming “grey pinstripes!”, go with my *ahem*  “better judgment”, and dressed in “Artsy-Fartsy Chic” style like my companion.  These were new clothes, they fit better, but were kinda casual. Ambivalence gripped me, but I thought, “Hey, I’m the Queen of Confidence, I’ll wear whatever I want!”, trying to justify my now uncomfortable choice. The designer jeans and sweater ensemble with beaded scarf fit my body better, at least.  Seemed okay ‘til I got there.

I felt uncomfortable in my wild child casual duds. Out of place. Inappropriate.  I didn’t feel true to myself, or my brand. And as a result, I didn’t feel like I was standing fully in my power.

Because of my clothes??? That goes against everything I know about true confidence. Confidence based solely upon appearance and other externals never lasts, we all know that, right? RIGHT?

I was dismayed now at my own emotional state, along with feeling out of place. I snuck out of the conference, dashed home (which was luckily 15 minutes away), and changed into the old reliable pinstripes. My gut calmed down, and when I returned to the conference, the Queen of Confidence rocked the house. The change was remarkable.

But was it really my clothes that were at issue here? On the surface, yes indeedy, that would be the obvious conclusion. But on further reflection, the true cause of my unease and discomfiture was made apparent.

For the conclusion of my story, come back for the next blog post. I’ll be sharing my revelations and learning around this situation.

To express confidence, have the courage of your convictions. “Courage is grace under pressure.” -Ernest Hemingway

Stand sure. Be gracious, act with commitment to the truth and the highest good.

When you live your life in this way, whether you turn out to be “right or wrong” in the moment or in retrospect, you will retain your honor, regardless of outcome.  Fundamentally speaking, it’s your commitment to goodwill and integrity that strengthens your sense of confidence. This evolved and admirable state of being stems from a deep personal awareness of right action which in turn comes from being crystal clear about your own unique Life Purpose.

“Confidence… thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live. “- Franklin D Roosevelt

Acting upon your convictions, in accordance with your Life Purpose, is the most powerful thing you can do with your life.  It informs, enlivens, and transforms doubt to courage naturally.

Confidence born of a commitment to honor, truth and grace is profoundly powerful and wields greater influence than the faux-confidence that comes from taking advantage of others. This kind of confidence sustains you through tough times, when your convictions and faith in yourself are tested.

“We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness.” - Maxwell Maltz

Exactly.

Affirmation: “I, <your name>, act with ever increasing courage and confidence.”

Where in your life could you use more confidence and courage?

For assistance in cutting through the crap with courage and confidence, contact:

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence, and it’s for sale!”

It’s time to talk about the third truly terrible way to try to appear more confident. In this series, I’ve commented about two other truly terrible ways to try to appear more confident:

TALK TALK TALK aka Talk the talk too much
Never Admit Your Mistakes

Both humdingers in their own right, and well worth the discussion we’ve [...]

I’ve left the bedroom window open a bit, with a towel on the sill. It’s chilly in there now. The rain soaked air smells like black truffles and the storm shrouded Bay that I can now barely see through the balcony doors off the great room. Soggy dogs, their fur still slightly scented from the [...]

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”- George Eliot
It’s never too late to live a purpose driven life. Really. Start now. Continue ‘til you die.  Confidence ensues naturally in this purpose driven way, and can continue unabated for as long as you live.
After all:

Georgia O’Keefe was an old lady painter, [...]

Talk the Talk Too Too Much: Big Talkers
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” –Ernest Hemmingway
Listening skills and the lack thereof is the topic today.
Hoo Boy! Here’s a lollapalooza of a blunder. You’ve met these misguided souls. They have no listening skills. They talk the [...]

During my long reign as Queen of Confidence I have witnessed many triumphs and tragedies of confidence played out before my humble yet royal eyes. Periodically I shall be sharing what I hope shall be pithy insights which are intended to act as cautionary tales and inspirational anecdotes as well as practical tools for improving [...]

In my lengthy reign as the Queen of Confidence, I’ve noticed a great many mistakes that good folks have made in vain attempts to appear more confident. Since these errors tend to be costly, I’ve decided to talk about just three of them in these next three blog posts, in the hope that I can [...]