3 truly terrible ways to appear more confident PART 2 (Queen of Confidence series)

Talk the Talk Too Too Much: Big Talkers

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” –Ernest Hemmingway

Listening skills and the lack thereof is the topic today.

Hoo Boy! Here’s a lollapalooza of a blunder. You’ve met these misguided souls. They have no listening skills. They talk the talk and talk the walk and then continue to talk and talk. They talk over you, they hog every conversation and make it a monologue all about themselves. They’re pushy and overbearing and sadly unaware of the impact of their actions. They mistake self talk for self confidence.

I assume that they’d have to be clueless, because no one would deliberately shoot themselves in the foot like this, would they?

They’re the people for whom this joke was coined, “But enough about me. What do you think about me?” I call these people Big Talkers.

Big Talkers think they’re educating, informing, selling well by overtalking. They think that if they can just say enough, barrage you with enough facts and information and sales pitches, you’ll be convinced that they’re an expert, that you want to buy what they’re selling, or somesuch. They think that more yammer means more confidence. Oh, so wrong.

Those verbal steamrollers have no idea that what they’re REALLY doing is profoundly alienating their audience. They’ve no clue that their potential customers/friends/connections end up walking away, tossing aside the business card or phone number or resume and remembering only that they felt uncomfortable at the very least, and pissed off at the worst.  The Big Talkers fail to establish rapport through the simple act of listening. Listening MATTERS.

As my wise grannie said more than once, “You’ve got two ears and one mouth, because you should listen twice as much as you talk.”

“If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words.” -Goethe

When you listen, you demonstrate interest and engagement. You encourage rapport. You make a dialogue possible, and that is the place from which real possibilities spring. And you never, ever act like a Big Talker, because you know that Big Talkers are big losers.

The skill of listening is one of the hallmarks of the truly confident. Truly confident people know that there is nothing at all that someone else can say that will diminish them. Therefore they never fear dialogue, indeed, they welcome it for the connections it enhances and the rapport it facilitates.

Confident people listen.

Are you listening?

Molly Burke, CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
I’ve bottled confidence, and it’s for sale!