I’ve been bombarded with a lot of information lately telling me that I need to be consistently brilliant upon demand, be a whiz at blogging and social media, create savvy info products, write witty books and promote them lavishly, have a radio show, leverage the news and entertainment medias, do webinars, network like a star, send out newsletters bi-weekly, run contests, volunteer my services,  over deliver everything on time, outdo my competition, increase my sales, upsell,  and all this all deftly done according to my really relatable branding and disseminated with the grace of a prima ballerina and flexibility of a gymnast while looking like I just stepped out of a salon after a makeover.

Oh GAWD I’m tired!

You know what’s really craaaaazy? There are people who really think all this can be done by one human. I’m here to tell you that those people are crazy f*ckers. No one I know or have heard of can do all that alone.

Further, when did it become fashionable/optimal/realistic to expect one person to get all that done consistently without a lick of help?

I find myself yearning for a slower, simpler pace. Not so many balls to juggle. And what that tells me is that I’ve been trying to spread myself too thin. To do too much all at once. When I get like that, NOTHING gets done. I get what I like to call “opportunity paralysis”.

It’s not that i don’t know what to do, or that there’s nothing TO do. It’s that there are so many varied and important things to do that I get caught like a deer in the headlights of my juggernaut of a task list. And just like that, BOOM!, I’m reduced to a state of slightly panicky indecision. Sound at all familiar?

When I change my usual scenery I can get ahead of the trap of this particular flavor of crazy. From that place of renewed clarity it’s possible to take stock and then realize that I’ve once again fallen into the seductive trap of trying too hard to do it all. Now. Personally.

Lemme tell ya, thar be dragons. Dragons of demand, specters of deadlines unmade and reputation ruined. Monsters constructed of the fear of disappointing others, of disappointing myself, of not measuring up to those paragons of productivity who somehow can do it all so why can’t I? These suckers can get HUGE!

The only antidotes I know that really work are not about getting more done, but about pace. About grace. They involve scaling back, taking less on, not trying so damned hard that I get overwhelmed and spun like cotton candy at a country fair.

The internal cross talk is impressive. The crazy goes a bit more bonkers as it gets less buy-in. For a while it’s not productive or fun at all, and kinda chaotic inside. Let go, breathe, blog. Let go, breathe, walk. Let go, breathe, make cookies. Let go, breathe, breathe, let go. I’m not this chatter. Over and over and over until I feel like I can make one small, decent choice. One tiny thing.

And well, you know what that choice was. Stop trying so damned hard, fercrissakes, Molly me lass. What, you thought I was talking to you?

And now that this particular variety of crazy is not in charge for the moment, I can make better choices again. Choices to winnow down the list, to delegate, to ask for help, to pay for help, but most of all to RELAX for a bit and stop trying so hard, fercrissakes.

Weird thing is that when I stop trying so hard I get more done and feel a lot better about myself.

“Do or do not. There is no try.”Yoda was right. Trying makes me crazy. CRAZY.

My To Do List: Stop trying altogether. Do less, accomplish more.

I think I”m on to something here.

I’ll keep you posted.

FEAR. False Expectations Appearing Real.

As Michael Pritchard says, “Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.” Yup.

Fears are usually nothing more than sick fantasies we’ve made up to scare ourselves into protecting ourselves somehow.

Sometime ago we chose to survive. Likewise, is some way or another, somewhere in our past we decided that being safe was preferable to growing.  That facing or moving through the fear simply MUST be worse than avoiding it. That the dread we willingly inflict upon ourselves is somehow easier to bear than the fear we dare not face.

And we’re wrong. Oh, so wrong.

No matter how scalding or searing the fear we face and walk through is, it truly pales by experience in comparison to that dread. Dread goes on and on and on. It saps our enthusiasms, our joys, our happiness, our energies. It becomes a chronically unhealed wound. And like a tooth that’s lost its filling, we are drawn to stick our tongue in the hole to make sure it still hurts.

And it does.

Dread cannot survive where fear is met lucidly, with Purpose of intent and allies at your back. It becomes superfluous, and you begin to experience it clearly as an unnecessary encumbrance, a nuisance more and more easily put aside.

But own your fear? What the @&$% does that mean?

Well, it comes down to this: if you don’t own your fears, they will own you. You will be nothing more than a marionette suspended from strings that jerk your around by your irrational short and curlies to your detriment and the cost of the world. Yes, the cost of the world. For while you’re paralyzed by your dread and avoiding the fears that own you through your avoidance, the world suffers from  the lack of your true presence, from the joy of receiving your gifts.

Yes, you. Precious gifts. Really.

Claim your fears. Own them, and in doing so, gain dominion over them. Do not resist them in foolish squandered hours of dread. Take the hands of your allies, take a deep breath, and take a step through your False Expectations Appearing Real and into the Real World, which is hungry for you.

Hungry. For you.

—————————————————————

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

It takes so much energy and effort to look good all the time. As a matter of fact, it’s exhausting.

Personally, I don’t really trust someone who looks good all the time.  Since I know that no one is on top of their game all the time, anyone pretending that everything is hunky dory alla time is just not telling the whole truth.

Now I understand the concept of “fake it til you make it”. I get the idea of putting your best foot forward. It’s obvious that the pursuit of personal excellence is a noble endeavor. I’m not talking about that stuff.

What I’m talking about here is the compulsive need some folks have to always look good. To appear constantly and imperviously successful, effective, smart, on top of things, competent, infallible. Me, I can’t relate.

Oh, I used to try to look perfect, believe me. At first it was a matter of survival, because errors and mistakes were not appreciated as learning opportunities in my family of origin. “If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all” was the mantra lectured to me by my rigid and unforgiving father. This does not promote healthy risk taking behavior, lemme tell ya. I spent my young life only doing those things I was immediately good at in order to avoid the criticism, harassment and disappointment of my father, upon whose reputation I reflected. I missed out on a lot of things because I wasn’t immediately proficient and so quit before I got caught looking bad.

So I get the compulsive need to look good, up close and personal.  But as I grew older, I began to notice the ease that some other people seemed to have in their own skin. They didn’t seem devastated to make a public error. They admitted their mistakes without shame, but with humility and honest grace.

It was stunning to me. It was bold and honest and unashamed and it looked a lot easier than trying to look good all the time. Riskier, yes, but so much simpler. So much less energy squandered.  It inspired confidence in me, too. I saw people committed to their own growth and contribution risking looking bad to do the right thing. I was impressed. I felt hope. If they could do it, maybe -I- could do it, too….

So I tried it myself. It was NOT comfortable and yet it felt so much better than the desperate attachment I’d had to looking good all the time. Now it’s a mindfulness practice of mine, a habit which frees me as it calls me to the truth. I’m not perfect at it, and I never will be. I still really want to look good, and hate it when I make a fool of myself. But I’ve come to know that I look a lot more foolish when I cling to my ego perspective than when I admit my flaws and errors without excuse.

Just be yourself. The pretense of perfection is ultimately transparent and pitiful. Admit your flaws, your mistakes, how you’ve failed or missed the mark.

As for me, I’m much more likely to believe your greatness when I perceive that you can relax through your imperfections, learn from them, and use them constructively. I watch for that sort of thing. I’ll bet you do, too. And I’ll bet you’re much more likely to trust and believe in those who have been through their own crucible and come out triumphant over those who have never struggled within and without. Am I right?

Name it, claim it, learn and grow. People will love and respect you for it. *grin* Trust me on this one.

Okay, so here’s the second half of the article on my latest “Reverse Homer” (that’s where I do something brilliant entirely intuitively or from a place of pure fun).

To recap: I was musing on the power of small but constant messaging in one’s life. Yeah, the big things matter big time, but the aggregate impact of small messages is something we can direct purposefully. We can build and strengthen our core confidence with these small, potent message mediums.

Oh yeah, time for “Just the Facts”, ma’am. Hey, Joe Friday from Dragnet was a very confident cat in his day.

I know a whole bunch of you are way ahead of me already, but let me spell this out anyway, in the following snappy little fact progression.

FACT #1: We all have the ability to reinforce either confidence or unease/uncertainty in ourselves.

FACT #2: We do this all the time, whether we realize it or not.

FACT #3: Our subconscious is a powerful force that we can harness for good or ill.

FACT #4: By creating small fun reinforcements of what it is we most want in and for ourselves, we engage the subconscious on a fundamental level.

FACT #5: Thoughts become things (thank you Mike Dooley)

FACT #6: More confidence reserves are “automagically” created by the subconscious through deliberately chosen thoughts and subliminal messages, these stores of confidence to be used at the will or whim of the conscious mind.

FACT # 7: Confident people make things happen.

Now here’s the deal: you’ve got to look at your day to day life and take stock of the tiny messages your habits and environment give your subconscious mind. What are you telling yourself? Are your messages those of fulfillment, ease, grace, FUN, prosperity, love?

Now I know that there are messages and input that you cannot change, because they come from sources over which you have no direct control. I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about the reallllllly little things you DO have control over, the little things that you do or say to yourself that flavor your life and your perceptions of your various circumstances.

Take a few moments right now, and change something small. You’re at your computer if you’re reading this, so why not change your browser theme, or the default font you use?  Go on, rearrange your desktop where you’re sitting to include messages printed or written out that inspire you to claim your own greatness. Wear the ring that makes you feel rich today. Make a new habit of using the good soap, the guest towels, the expensive perfume on yourself as a small but powerful statement of your worth. Tell yourself, “Oh Hell Yes!”

Oh, Hell Yes!

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

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