My life is changing. It is not comfortable. In fact, some of it is downright painful. Such is the price of resistance.

Here is what I know to be true for me: That I am blessed beyond measure. The Universe constantly conspires on my behalf. I always come out smelling like a rose. I don’t need to have all my ducks in a row to go for a swim. I am ultimately safe and loved.

There comes a day when you finally get it that you just don’t have the whole picture, and that you’re doing the best you can with imperfect, incomplete information. In that moment, things shift.  In that instant, you realize that much of life’s truths must be taken on what can only be called (for lack of a better term) faith.

Further, you get that you’re not the only one operating like this, with imperfect information, acting on something akin to faith on a daily basis. Everybody does. Everybody.

Sometimes ya just gotta accept that essential truth in a new way, with a new depth of recognition. Not a giving up, or a giving in, or a helpless acceptance of what is, mind you. Just a more accurate observation of the now.

Resolute resignation or maybe a sort of sad acceptance? Yeah, sometimes it’s that.

But sometimes it’s just about letting go of the illusion of control. Actually, that’s the key to it. Ya gotta let go of that need to exert dominance over your circumstances and then embrace the other paradoxical piece.

Here’s the paradox: Our beliefs create our reality, so ultimately, we’re in complete control of our lives.

The test, the task, then, is to accept and experience the truth that we are the authors of our existence. That we are the very source of our challenges and triumphs. And that the world simply and accurately reflects in our circumstances what we genuinely hold as truth.

You gotta own your dominion over your inner landscape, and the power it holds over your experience of your circumstances.

Coming into greater harmony within naturally creates greater ease without. Let go of the illusion of  control and you become empowered to accept your creation, to love it, and to move to change what does not serve. This is a state of grace, noble and appropriate, expansive and potent.

Your lesson is to welcome the lesson.

And by you, I mean me, of course.

VITALITY

Which we have already ascertained is cool for being a peculiarity, amongst other things. Now let’s talk about vitality and Life Purpose.

The daily practice of Purpose driven living encourages you to expand your present relationship with the peculiar quality of vitality that is yours alone. Through the discovery and use of your unique Life Purpose, your experience and expression of vitality is enhanced and deepened. You’ll find this increases your satisfaction in every aspect of your life, from your work to your love relationships to your spirituality to your playtime.

You’ll also become more keenly aware of all the things in your life that you have to be grateful for, and you’ll become better able to express that gratitude with ease and joy. This effectively engages the Law of Attraction on your behalf, creating ever expanding opportunities to be grateful.

You’lll notice that one of the synonyms for vitality is strength. I posit that this is because vitality bespeaks a kind of inner resilience and solidity borne of an acute awareness of one’s own Life Force. Further, it is this solidity that translates into the other synonym for vitality, stability. To possess an abundance of vitality naturally implies the stability that is indeed synonymous with reliable strength, both with vigor of body as well as of spirit.

An increase in vitality is one of the effects of knowing your Life Purpose, and of living it. When you do what you’re meant to be doing, you’ll experience an increase in overall happiness, satisfaction, and vitality just by doing it.

Abundant vitality, now that’s MY kind of peculiar.

Do you fully experience YOUR vitality?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

VITALITY.

A glorious word full of possibilities. But what does it mean, and why might you care, anyway?

On the quest for a better understanding of the word, I looked it up in the dictionary. Here’s what I found:

vitality: 1) a. the peculiarity that distinguishes the living from the non living b. the capacity to live and develop; also: physical or intellectual vigor, energy 2) a. power of enduring b. lively and animated character. 3) the capacity to live, grow, or develop. Synonyms: life, stability, strength.

I just love that what makes us alive is characterized as a “peculiarity”. How perfectly splendid.

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is
translated through you into action, and because there is only one
of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block
it, it will never exist through any other medium and (will) be
lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to
determine how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it
compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it
yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” Martha Graham

So here you are, already possessed of one of the greatest gifts life has to offer: vitality. It is your birthright, and it is up to each and every one of us to safeguard it, to nurture it and cultivate its employ in our day to day lives, lest we be reduced to merely existing.

Most of all, enjoy your glorious vitality. Let it flavor your life and fill your days with abundant energy to fulfill your desires, dreams, and Life Purpose. More on Purpose and vitality in the conclusion of this series. Stay tuned!

An affirmation about vitality: “I, <your name>, act with abundant vitality in the service of my dreams.”

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and I share!”

It’s overwhelming, right?

This is what I hear time and again. So, as is my wont, I’ve got some tips for you, to shake things up and make good things happen for you.

TIP # 1: Write down the kind of work, work environment, coworkers, location that would be optimal for you. Then do some homework online and find 10 companies who best embody those qualities. Send those companies an invitation/cover letter to get to know you better. In this way you become the buyer, not the seller, the colleague instead of the job seeker. This shift of perspective alone will boost your confidence tremendously. Pursue what you really want, not just what you think you might get, and watch what happens!

TIP # 2: Own your own business, even if you want to work for someone else. Regard your income earning work as your professional business concern. It really is, when you think about it. You are the CEO of your money making company: You, Inc., if you will. Begin to view/experience yourself more and more as a speculative collaborative partner than prospective employee. This particular perspective is mega-empowering and lots more fun than being another “hat in hand” job seeker.

TIP # 3: Do it differently. One of the most effective and innovative new techniques that successful seekers are using these days are video resumes. Not the boring old “talking head” resumes, but vibrant new snapshot videos that allow you to showcase your talents and skills right there, right now. They don’t have to imagine you, they can SEE you. And videos are more fun than resumes, trust me on this. The point here is: THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. Go beyond the colored paper strategy and think bold, think engaging, think FUN! Being yourself and having fun while you’re doing the “getting work” dance will improve your overall confidence as it improves your results.

BONUS TIP: Be proactive. Don’t wait to be approached after you send out communications. Follow up relentlessly. Go for the work fulfillment you really truly want. That sets you up for greater success by making yourself your own courageous advocate and devoted PR representative. Folks would rather hire someone who shows that they are consistently motivated than some guy with equally great skills who isn’t actively pursuing their own dreams and goals. Goals are attractive. Use ‘em.

Well, there you have it. 3 confidence builders to make you stand out from the job competition. Three tips for setting yourself apart from the hoards of folks out there who are looking in the same old ways, getting the same old results.

How do you stand out?

——————————–

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

————————————-

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.

I submit, Gentle Readers, that many of us engage in a kind of sad, self defeating insanity called New Year’s resolutions. And riiiiiight about now, if not before, most everyone who makes those superficially laudable resolutions fails to follow through.

Don’t worry, this is NOT a motivational pep talk post. Some other day, maybe, but not today.

We’re grown ups, well, most of us at least, and right now I am talking to and with those of us who identify as adults. Right about now you’re feeling badly about not keeping those earnestly made New Year’s resolutions. And pretty much like clockwork, you spend every January doing some version of this sick little dance.

How do I know this? Nevermind how I know.

Isn’t it about time you respected your word a bit more and stopped the futile habit of making those damned resolutions in the first place? Cut yourself some winter slack, assess your past annual resolution performances, and decide THIS year not to make yourself wrong and crazy and a liar NEXT year. Reserve the power of your word for the kind of resolutions that have a chance, those born of insight and an inner desire to make a positive change, not ones that are enacted in response to some arbitrary date on the calendar.

Stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Resist the urge to get caught up in New Year’s resolutions if you’ve got a history of not following through. You beat yourself up with those “resolutionary shoulds”. I should lose weight, I should quit smoking, I should go to the gym. And then you feel like crap even more when you fail yet again. So stop. Just stop. Don’t heap more evidence into the “I can’t depend on/trust myself” basket. You don’t need that.

What you need to do is get really clear about what is it that you really truly want. You know what I’m talking about, the deepest, most cherished dreams of your Soul. Ponder those things instead of those cursed “resolutionary shoulds”. Spend your precious time and energy dwelling upon, concentrating on and taking action on the dreams of your Highest Self.

When you get clear about what it is you really want, and take action on that, you’re MUCH more likely to follow through. And isn’t that what you ultimately want? To act with intention, secure that the direction you’re going is the right one, rich with lasting internal motivation?

Screw New Year’s resolutions and the same old same old. I’ll take a risk and do something different, starting now.

How about you?

—————————————

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

—————————

This is the second in the series, “Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money”, about the phenomenon of male mid life crisis. In the first part, I talked about how a lot of men tend to look outside themselves for the causes of their discontent, and asserted that the root causes of their dissatisfaction are, in fact, internal.  Their circumstances are certainly symptomatic of not living a purposeful life.
If they knew to look inside themselves first, to engage in rigorous self examination, they’d be much more likely to come to the realization that they are the source of everything in their lives. They’d realize that in order to empower themselves they must evolve, examine and re-evaluate their core perceptions as well as their present practices, goals and behaviors. Always, it’s an inside job, first. Many men leave great lives they’ve built based on some significant and worthy core values before they realize that they can empower themselves right within the life they already have. They lack critical discernment.

Likewise, some men stay in situations far too long that are clearly toxic because they feel trapped by their circumstances, lack of meaningful direction and sense of feeling purposeless; and that comes from not going within, as well. It’s always an inside job. First and foremost, an inside job. Always always always.

Here’s what’s worse: as a society we neither support nor encourage men to take time for personal growth, vision quest, goal reassessment, life path correction, any of that. We fail to support our men in living rich lives, mistaking the attainment of financial gain or social reputation for true wealth. We sell them, and in turn ourselves, short by not empowering them to live purposefully. We pigeon hole them, limit them, dishonor them, assigning to them artificial values and inappropriate expectations that hamstring their abilities to truly excell. We fail to afford them either the time or adequate opportunities to do the essential soul searching that is critical for their ultimate fulfillment in work, in love, in Purpose.

A man without a sense of purpose is a sad thing indeed.
—————————

In the next installment, I’ll be wrapping up this article series with some solutions and recommendations to hopefully mitigate the worst effects of male mid life crisis. Come back.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

———————

I’ve been corresponding with a middle aged male friend, and we got to talking about mid life crises, and how men in particular handle it. Since the majority of my private practice is comprised mainly of men from 30-50 years old, I’ve gained some insight from these smart, insightful, honest and candid men.

I had joked that most of what I see less introspective and self aware men doing when they reach that mid life stage can be easily summed up in this key phrase, “re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic“.

My friend replied, “I think the key phrase is ‘faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money” If you can afford these indulgences, I do not think you are attending a life purpose workshop.”

Here is my reply:

Au contraire, many’s the man who has come to me precisely -because- “faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money” turned out to be not as fulfilling a reality as they had hoped it would be.

“Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money” is what I call “re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic”. This is a gender peculiar thing. A significant percentage of men, when they hit their mid life crisis, look around and say, “Crap, this isn’t what I want. I’m not happy.” So (here’s the cliche in action) some of them set about to changing things: they trade in the wife and kids for a trophy chick, get a sports car and hair plugs, and otherwise engage in ultimately futile behaviors that do not ultimately address their lack of fulfillment.

They vigorously pursue transient pleasures, trying to soothe their ever increasing sense of dissatisfaction. Those are the guys who fail to examine themselves first. Because of this critically missed first step, they lose the chance to do some significant introspection before they engage in major life upheaval. They mistakenly think that by concentrating on changing their circumstances they will achieve the sought for inner satisfaction that they are now all too aware of lacking.

They throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Come back for the next two parts of this series about men and their mid-life crises.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

During my long reign as Queen of Confidence I have witnessed many triumphs and tragedies of confidence played out before my wondering eyes. Periodically I’ll be sharing what I hope shall be regarded as pithy insights which are intended to act as cautionary tales and inspirational anecdotes as well as practical tools for improving one’s own sense of confidence. You’ll also find powerful questions, confidence tasks and useful affirmations included from time to time, meant to enhance your own sense of confidence. These tips will be shared sporadically, as the inspiration moves me. Keep coming back, because you never know what I’ll say. So there. Neener.

———————-

Many of life’s keenest disappointments come from unmet expectations.

After all, it is rarely reality that in and of itself disappoints. Instead, it is when our expectations are not met that we experience the greatest disappointment. We make up these stories about how it will be when X happens, and then when X fails to materialize, we are disproportionally crushed in relation to what actually happened. We let ourselves become so invested in the form of our expectations that it feels like reality crushes us under the weight of our unmet expectations.

The lesson is not, as you might at this point surmise, to lower your expectations, but rather to separate your emotional investment in the expectations from the eventual outcome. Be willing to find the gifts in the unexpected outcomes. Frequently, they exceed our former expectations anyway.

In short, dream big and expect a miracle. Do not expect it to come true in precisely the way you envision. Instead, become enthralled with the anticipation of good things to come, and set aside your attachment to the forms in which your miracles appear. Most likely, they will not fit your original pictures. This is a wonderful thing, because you cannot ever dream bigger than the Universe loves you.

What did you expect?

—————————

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence (click to become a facebook fan)
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

In Part One of this short series, I talked about my passion for perseverance in Purpose. And, I left you, gentle readers, hanging. Wait no longer. Here then, as promised, is the conclusion of “Quitting before the miracle”.

————————

HERE’S THE COOL PART:

This self awareness is not peculiar to me. Over and over I see confused, uncertain people leave their Life Purpose session or one of my Life Purpose Discovery seminars lit up, transformed by the natural clarity of Purpose.

Some are awe-struck by the scope and splendor of their unique Life Purpose. Some get giddy. Some grow thoughtful and deeply introspective. Others express a sense of “I always suspected it was something like this, but now I know for sure”.

It’s this inner knowing that confers for some people the first feelings of true courage they’ve ever really felt. And I dare anyone to witness these realizations in person without being deeply moved. When I see what this knowing does for people, I want to bring that level of confidence and surety to everyone. It’s one of the best things ever.

It takes courage to be true to yourself and to what you know is right. It takes courage to claim one’s birthright, brilliance, gifts, talents, mad skills. It takes courage to admit when you’re wrong, when you’ve erred, when you’ve failed to do as you said. It takes great courage to stay your course when those around you doubt. Confidence is born of adherence to one’s own inner clarity and sense of direction. This kind of confidence is born of Purpose.

What is the source of your confidence?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

Your Confidence Tip of the Day:

To succeed, learn to fail well. What this means is to wring every possible piece of learning and wisdom you can from every challenging experience and unexpected outcome. In this way, mistakes become a natural building block for greater confidence. You can create stellar opportunities of gold from the dross of mistakes well made, if you are willing to become humble and learn. It’s not the mistake that really matters, you see; it’s how you use it to forward yourself and your dearest dreams.

And more important than everything is this: resilience. Cultivating resilience enables you to move forward meaningfully and with renewed vigor after a set back. As Rev. Douglass Fitch says, “A setback is just a set up for a comeback.” Amen.

To quote General George Patton, “I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”

How high do you bounce?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”