She is utterly confident. There is no false bravado in her, no edge or artifice. She is simply curious and friendly, uncomplicated and powerful, unafraid to engage the objects of her considerable attention. Athena is a force of Nature.

Her eyes always light up when she sees me, very much as though we’ve known each other for many years and she clearly delights in our reunion. I find this enchanting and do not doubt that she and I have known each other before.

Today my mighty, tiny goddess incarnate fixed me with dancing green eyes from under her strawberry blonde bangs and inquired,

“Are you happy today?”

She placidly waited for an answer.

This little Bodhisattva, this sprite, this fae child of grace, naturally cares about my happiness. Naturally. It is not some socially contrived artifice or self seeking cleverness. Athena cares.

I was momentarily dumbstruck. I am used to such questions from other human development folks, gurus, some of my more conscious friends, in workshop settings or seminars, and from folks trying to sell me something.

“I am very well indeed, and thank you so much for asking, my dear. ” I replied, unable to do anything but smile down at that divine little countenance. She is pleased to connect with me, it’s obvious.

A conversation of not much real import ensued for several minutes, in which she was alternately completely engrossed in our repartee and quick to share the distractions that captured her fancy.  I feel like I’ve known her forever.

How often do we encounter spirits we’ve danced with before, and never stop to acknowledge it? We are barely aware of our moments of deja-vu, we hurry past those twinkles of recognition. All too quickly we rush through our precious days, bent on accomplishments and accompanying metrics to measure our successes. All the while, all around us are old friends in new skins, and new conversations just waiting to be had.

Thanks, Athena’s mom, for the ease and largess. Thanks for bringing my friend to the Madhouse this morning. Thanks, Athena, for recognizing me again, and for rekindling our connection. Thanks loving me enough to ask me that really important,  really cool question. And thanks for really wanting to hear the answer. You’re a good friend.

“Are you happy today?”

I had a bit of an epiphany this afternoon on my way to a comfort food lunch with one of my BFFs. I was musing upon the nature of manifestation, and came to a new level of clarity.

The Universe operates like a mail order catalog. When you order something from a catalog, you look at a picture of the thing you want, decide that you want it and that it will be yours, you place the order and then wait in perfect faith (certainty) knowing that your stuff will arrive.

With the Universe, same thing.  You order, you pay, and then you get what you ordered. Only get this: we pay for what we know and believe is coming to us in one of two ways. I came to realize today that we either think (and so it is) that we pay through our suffering, OR

We pay with our bliss.

I get it now. When you place your order with the Universe for that you know and believe is coming to you (that you deserve, is your karma, what’s coming to you based on how worthy you think you are, etc etc), but expect your suffering to pay for it, you get hardship, trials and tribulations, because you gotta pay in kind for what you expect is coming to you.

HOWEVER….

When you place your order with the Universe for something great, abide in perfect faith/certainty knowing that it is coming to you, and then immediately follow your bliss, that becomes payment in kind for your order, which is then delivered.

The key here is that following your bliss is the necessary payment for your dreams. Not your toil, your struggles, your challenges or your disappointments. They are merely landmarks along the way that show you when you’ve gotten off track or lost your focus/faith.

Another point is that you must pay for what you’ve ordered before delivery. This means that it is folly to wait until your dreams come true to then allow yourself to follow your bliss. That’s bass ackward. Act on your Life Purpose, follow your bliss FIRST whilst knowing that your order is being paid for, and delightful coolness shall certainly ensue.

The Universe is prepared and capable of fulfilling your every dearest dream and wildest wish, but you MUST follow your bliss to receive it. A life of relentless toil is not the way to true happiness, nor is a life of making do. The buoyant, powerful energy of someone acting in accordance with their Highest most joyful Self is the payment the Universe requires to make good on your order.

After all, the brass ring ain’t on a treadmill, it’s on a carousel.

What do you believe is on its way to you? You’re right, you know.

I have a strong affinity for Facebook. I’ve connected with old friends, made new ones, and get most of my business there nowadays. Sometimes people ask great questions on Facebook that bear repeating. Today on my Facebook (Molly Burke, Queen of Confidence) fan page I was asked:

Madame Molly, QOC and Coach to the Stars (or soon to be stars): What would you suggest to an artist who has a project underway but not completed yet – is it appropriate to set up a fan page at this point? If blogging, what sort of things should one be sure to write about? Or is it all just too soon?

Oooh, tantalizing terrain for the QoC.

Here’s my answer:

First, I don’t think it’s too soon. Creating buzz by blogging about the process/journey can really expand the artist’s fan base before the work is complete. It creates and enhances anticipation.

SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO THE ARTISTS OUT THERE:

Be sure to write about your life and work the same way that you talk to friends, this will make your voice online uniquely you. Be pithy and brief. More often is better than more length per post, when it comes to blogging. Tell the truth about challenges and triumphs, share inspirations (yours and those that keep you going). Post bits about your personal creative process, and also post bits of your work in progress to get valuable feedback and further encourage fans to pre-order (you can at least get their names for a waiting list at some point this way).

Selling in advance based on the buzz about a partially finished work is becoming more and more commonplace. LOTS of folks pre-sell, and this money can be used to complete the project. Cool, huh?

As for setting up a fan page now: YES! The sooner an artist puts themselves out there, the sooner they get noticed. Anonymous artists rarely get noticed at all.

ONE FINAL COMMENT: We are ALL artists, each creating the magnum opus that is our life. Get out there and give your gifts lavishly, they are meant for you to share, not hoard. That’s why they’re called gifts.

Hope these answers can be of service.

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For the whole conversation (which was juicy and wonderful), check out Molly Burke, Queen of Confidence on Facebook.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everybody can use a boost of confidence every now and again”

In an all text medium like the internet, genuine literacy really does matter to a lot of people, myself included. Bad grammar and ignorance do not inspire confidence in folks, believe me.

And if you want to inspire confidence online, you’re best served by making damnsure that the language you use actually says what you mean to say. Otherwise you just look like a dolt.

I’m going to take a few minutes right now to illuminate the differences between a couple of my favorite homonyms.

The first set is they’re, their, there. They’re is a contraction for THEY ARE. “THEY’RE (they are) going to the movies later.” THEIR is a possessive word, “they’re (THEY ARE) going to the movies with *THEIR* mother”. The last one of these is THERE, referring to location. “They’re (THEY ARE) going over *THERE* to that movie with THEIR mother.”

YOUR and YOU’RE. Okay, this one drives me friggin nuts. YOUR is possessive, as in “let’s use YOUR rocket launcher”. YOU’RE is a contraction for YOU ARE. Therefore it is impossible for *shudder* YOU’RE rocket launcher to misfire, because that would actually be saying something nonsensical. YOU ARE rocket launcher cannot misfire, but YOUR rocket launcher can. Likewise, it’s not “YOUR a nice person” which does not make any sense (it begs the question “your what is a nice person, your dog, your mailman, your avatar?”), but rather “YOU ARE a nice person”. Geddit?

I gotta stop now before I implode. Time to take my grammatically ornery self to the beach. Later!

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

My life is changing. It is not comfortable. In fact, some of it is downright painful. Such is the price of resistance.

Here is what I know to be true for me: That I am blessed beyond measure. The Universe constantly conspires on my behalf. I always come out smelling like a rose. I don’t need to have all my ducks in a row to go for a swim. I am ultimately safe and loved.

There comes a day when you finally get it that you just don’t have the whole picture, and that you’re doing the best you can with imperfect, incomplete information. In that moment, things shift.  In that instant, you realize that much of life’s truths must be taken on what can only be called (for lack of a better term) faith.

Further, you get that you’re not the only one operating like this, with imperfect information, acting on something akin to faith on a daily basis. Everybody does. Everybody.

Sometimes ya just gotta accept that essential truth in a new way, with a new depth of recognition. Not a giving up, or a giving in, or a helpless acceptance of what is, mind you. Just a more accurate observation of the now.

Resolute resignation or maybe a sort of sad acceptance? Yeah, sometimes it’s that.

But sometimes it’s just about letting go of the illusion of control. Actually, that’s the key to it. Ya gotta let go of that need to exert dominance over your circumstances and then embrace the other paradoxical piece.

Here’s the paradox: Our beliefs create our reality, so ultimately, we’re in complete control of our lives.

The test, the task, then, is to accept and experience the truth that we are the authors of our existence. That we are the very source of our challenges and triumphs. And that the world simply and accurately reflects in our circumstances what we genuinely hold as truth.

You gotta own your dominion over your inner landscape, and the power it holds over your experience of your circumstances.

Coming into greater harmony within naturally creates greater ease without. Let go of the illusion of  control and you become empowered to accept your creation, to love it, and to move to change what does not serve. This is a state of grace, noble and appropriate, expansive and potent.

Your lesson is to welcome the lesson.

And by you, I mean me, of course.

This is an ongoing series of posts on various subjects for which I lacked a decent Google-searchable keyword title. Searching Google for ideas produced, “PEARLS OF WISDOM”, which has such a rich flavor of hubris and chuzpah that I just HAD to use it.

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That’s right, infallible paragons of virtue piss me off. Really. Mostly because they don’t exist in Nature, but people expect that they do anyway. They expect others to adhere to their unrealistic standards of behavior and attainment. And real people don’t. They really don’t.

No one is perfect. No one infallible. We are all deliciously flawed, faced with challenges, and if we’re paying attention, growing throughout our rich lives. No one comes to life fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus. We learn, we grow, we change, we evolve.

One of the great things about being the Queen of Confidence is knowing at my very core that perfection is not necessary to be effective, inspiring, or royal. Heck, the progeny of my colleague Liz Windsor are living proof of that last one. I’m living proof of the first two.

People, people, people, give up on perfection in me or in anyone else. Especially in yourself. Stop tormenting yourself for being human.

Now I’m not saying stop striving to improve and better yourself, or stop learning and growing, here. What I AM saying is that you gotta lighten up, people. Ease up on your frankly unreasonable expectations of perfection for yourself and for others. Learn instead to recognize the nobility, the adaptability, the exquisite humanity in us all.

Give yourself a break. Give us all a break. Expect excellence, grace, contribution. Eschew perfection. We’ll all be happier.

Yes? Yes.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everybody can use a boost of confidence every now and again!”

• Negative self talk
• Refusing help

In PEARLS OF WISDOM: PITFALLS AND PERILS part 2, I added another two pitfalls to keep an eye out for:

• Failure to follow through
• Guilt and blame

And now, the last two pitfalls which are perilous:

5) Defining the self according to the past: This topic hearkens back to the passage above on guilt and blame. So very many times I’ve encountered people who experience themselves as victims of their circumstances. They relate to everything through the filter of what I call their “stories”. These may be anything from the tenacious clinging to past labels such as “I was an abused child so things are harder for me”, “I’ve always been poor”, “I’ve never been good at anything”; to the present day feelings of helplessness that are exacerbated by self talk about how trapped the victim feels. They also feel as though they are at the invariably negative effect of the people and circumstances around them, and have little or no power to effect meaningful change.

6) Resisting change: Most people would rather stay comfortable than risk pain through growth. Maybe not consciously, but definitely we as humans value our feelings of comfort and safety. It is when we sacrifice our gifts, talents and dreams in service of our fear of change that we become disenfranchised from our innate personal power.

People allow their fear of change to stop them from taking meaningful positive action in their lives. They also build up feelings of dread regarding relatively small tasks and aspects of their lives, blowing their significance all out of proportion and succumbing to irrational terrors. What folks tend to forget is that the temporary flash of fear that can accompany taking action or making change is far, far less debilitating than the constant grind of dread.

Believe it or not, lots of people really dread losing their small scale lives, thinking that they are, right now, not capable of handling/attaining the life of their dreams. They have the opinion that they are unprepared and inadequate to the task of achieving their dearest goals. What they fail realize is that, when they -do- achieve the results they seek, they will have, by dint of the process alone, become the person who indeed can and does handle that amazing life with deft alacrity.

So there you are, dearest readers, 6 dandy pitfalls and perils. Now that you’re well aware of them, you have the power to deliberately and neatly avoid ‘em. Why is that? Because knowledge is POWER.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

• Negative self talk
• Refusing help

In this post, I’ll identify two more pitfalls and perils that people fall into. Ready? Here goes.

3) Failure to follow through: Talk a big game or make attainable goals, either is an exercise in futility if there’s no follow through. One of the biggest mistakes I observe in this area relates to the concept of cooperation and assistance talked about above. Folks make plans, goals and allow themselves to dream, only to never manifest those desires simply because they didn’t follow up their ideas with simple actions.

Even the smallest step produces shift. Shifting behavior in turn shifts energy (or is it vice versa? *grin*) and personal momentum is created. Further, setting up relationships in which accountability is maintained and consequences are like gravity in their application is a sure fire way to create an environment for getting stuff done. Rewards for achievement, refocus and reaffirmation for the continued learning experience that results from unmet goals and challenges. Empowerment and tenacity naturally arise.

4) Guilt and blame: This humdinger of a pitfall is a real doozy. Folks blame, berate and assign guilt to themselves for real and (many times) imagined shortcomings or failures. They use those feelings and judgments to dis-empower themselves, choosing to mistakenly believe that they are defined forevermore primarily according to their supposed faults, and to their past behaviors.

Here’s a sweet twist on the guilt game: instead of trying to counter those negative messages directly, try this: Why am I so <insert cool quality that is the opposite of that which you berate yourself for>?  Example: I blame myself for failing, so “Why am I so successful?” would be the question. Maybe you’re not so confident. the question would be “Why am I so confident?”. You see, the mind tries to answer the question, and you get lots of cool natural affirmations that way. This idea is part of the brainchild of Noah St. John, you should check him out.

So, there you have it, a Thursday tome about a couple of the pitfalls of being human in this life and these times. Stay tuned for the last two pitfalls and perils in this scintillating little series of six.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

Which of these PITFALLS apply to you?

1) Negative self talk: This dandy includes internal berating as well as what I like to call “the stories we tell ourselves”. These stories include seemingly “factual” declarations such as, “I can’t rely on anyone else ever”, “No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead”, “The world is not a nice place”, “Money is scarce”.

The best and fastest solution to counteract the ill effects of this sort of toxic self talk is to shout “STOP” in your head every time you realize you’re talking crappy to yourself. Take a deep breath. Then use a positive affirmation immediately to counteract it. I like these, “Even before I begin, I am made of win!” and “I, <name>, am continually showered with blessings.”

2) Refusing help: Over and over I see really smart people do the same dumb thing: when faced with a daunting challenge or circumstance they do not ask for help. They fail to use the abundant resources around them, and then wonder why their lives are so hard. Even worse, those same people outright refuse fine, useful offers of assistance, help, support, and encouragement. They stubbornly, steadfastly insist that they can do everything just fine all by themselves in the face of contradictory results. They refuse to acknowledge that they are allowing, yes even encouraging their pride, ego, embarrassment or stubbornness to make their lives harder by requiring personal effort instead of expanding their life skills repertoire to include delegation, inclusion, and cooperation.

(whew, that was wordy)

Here’s what I know: we did not incarnate on a planet of over 6 billion people to do everything alone, fercrissakes. In fact, the very smartest, most savvy folks I’ve ever known have sought out help (assistance, cooperation, support) early and often. It’s one of the key practices that materially contributes to their overall success in life.

For more information about getting quality help, please refer to my recent blog series, “Get some allies!”

In the next part of this series I’ll be disclosing another couple of pitfalls and sharing some strategies for avoiding and/or dealing with them.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

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So, what makes a good ally? For personal or business allies, the criteria are the same:

• Shares your ethical values
• Demonstrates good judgment
• Doing their best to live their life according to their Highest Self
• Tells you the truth
• Celebrates your success enthusiastically
• Demonstrates goodwill as a main character trait

And these three critical humdingers:

• Has your best interests at heart
• Has your back (is loyal)
• Encourages your growth, prosperity and purposeful risk taking

You don’t choose allies out of fear or not wanting to hurt their feelings. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s not a contest at all. This is about picking a team/tribe/community to surround you who will help you cultivate and express your best.

Here’s an easy, straightforward method for helping you distinguish between allies and them what ain’t.

First, make a list of everyone in your life who you love, trust, admire, are close with, respect, spend time with regularly and/or are related to.  Make the list thorough; when in doubt, include them.

Then run every single name on that list through the list of ally qualities above. Be honest, and trust your gut over your “better judgment” here. Who are your real allies? I’ll bet there are surprises and disappointments on that list. You’ve quickly become aware that some folks who you thought were your allies aren’t. But on the bright side, some folks you might have never previously considered turned up as candidates for future alliances.

Now, there will be a short list of people whom you hold in highest esteem. Make a list comprising the top 5 of these worthies.

Here’s the risky, delicious, really cool fun part: go ask each and every one of them to be your ally. The folks who pass your litmus test will say yes. Really, they will. Tell them your plans, hopes, goals and dreams. Ask theirs, and after listening intently, propose an alliance between you to assist each other in the achievement of each other’s goals. Some allies will offer energetic support. Others will offer practical support and solutions.

Go ahead, prove me right. Ask, and enjoy the advantages that having allies will bring your increasingly fabulous life.

Ask. I dare you.

Did you stop to think that I might be your ally?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”