Oh GAWD I’m tired!

You know what’s really craaaaazy? There are people who really think all this can be done by one human. I’m here to tell you that those people are crazy f*ckers. No one I know or have heard of can do all that alone.

Further, when did it become fashionable/optimal/realistic to expect one person to get all that done consistently without a lick of help?

I find myself yearning for a slower, simpler pace. Not so many balls to juggle. And what that tells me is that I’ve been trying to spread myself too thin. To do too much all at once. When I get like that, NOTHING gets done. I get what I like to call “opportunity paralysis”.

It’s not that i don’t know what to do, or that there’s nothing TO do. It’s that there are so many varied and important things to do that I get caught like a deer in the headlights of my juggernaut of a task list. And just like that, BOOM!, I’m reduced to a state of slightly panicky indecision. Sound at all familiar?

When I change my usual scenery I can get ahead of the trap of this particular flavor of crazy. From that place of renewed clarity it’s possible to take stock and then realize that I’ve once again fallen into the seductive trap of trying too hard to do it all. Now. Personally.

Lemme tell ya, thar be dragons. Dragons of demand, specters of deadlines unmade and reputation ruined. Monsters constructed of the fear of disappointing others, of disappointing myself, of not measuring up to those paragons of productivity who somehow can do it all so why can’t I? These suckers can get HUGE!

The only antidotes I know that really work are not about getting more done, but about pace. About grace. They involve scaling back, taking less on, not trying so damned hard that I get overwhelmed and spun like cotton candy at a country fair.

The internal cross talk is impressive. The crazy goes a bit more bonkers as it gets less buy-in. For a while it’s not productive or fun at all, and kinda chaotic inside. Let go, breathe, blog. Let go, breathe, walk. Let go, breathe, make cookies. Let go, breathe, breathe, let go. I’m not this chatter. Over and over and over until I feel like I can make one small, decent choice. One tiny thing.

And well, you know what that choice was. Stop trying so damned hard, fercrissakes, Molly me lass. What, you thought I was talking to you?

And now that this particular variety of crazy is not in charge for the moment, I can make better choices again. Choices to winnow down the list, to delegate, to ask for help, to pay for help, but most of all to RELAX for a bit and stop trying so hard, fercrissakes.

Weird thing is that when I stop trying so hard I get more done and feel a lot better about myself.

“Do or do not. There is no try.”Yoda was right. Trying makes me crazy. CRAZY.

My To Do List: Stop trying altogether. Do less, accomplish more.

I think I”m on to something here.

I’ll keep you posted.

As Michael Pritchard says, “Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.” Yup.

Fears are usually nothing more than sick fantasies we’ve made up to scare ourselves into protecting ourselves somehow.

Sometime ago we chose to survive. Likewise, is some way or another, somewhere in our past we decided that being safe was preferable to growing.  That facing or moving through the fear simply MUST be worse than avoiding it. That the dread we willingly inflict upon ourselves is somehow easier to bear than the fear we dare not face.

And we’re wrong. Oh, so wrong.

No matter how scalding or searing the fear we face and walk through is, it truly pales by experience in comparison to that dread. Dread goes on and on and on. It saps our enthusiasms, our joys, our happiness, our energies. It becomes a chronically unhealed wound. And like a tooth that’s lost its filling, we are drawn to stick our tongue in the hole to make sure it still hurts.

And it does.

Dread cannot survive where fear is met lucidly, with Purpose of intent and allies at your back. It becomes superfluous, and you begin to experience it clearly as an unnecessary encumbrance, a nuisance more and more easily put aside.

But own your fear? What the @&$% does that mean?

Well, it comes down to this: if you don’t own your fears, they will own you. You will be nothing more than a marionette suspended from strings that jerk your around by your irrational short and curlies to your detriment and the cost of the world. Yes, the cost of the world. For while you’re paralyzed by your dread and avoiding the fears that own you through your avoidance, the world suffers from  the lack of your true presence, from the joy of receiving your gifts.

Yes, you. Precious gifts. Really.

Claim your fears. Own them, and in doing so, gain dominion over them. Do not resist them in foolish squandered hours of dread. Take the hands of your allies, take a deep breath, and take a step through your False Expectations Appearing Real and into the Real World, which is hungry for you.

Hungry. For you.

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Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

Personally, I don’t really trust someone who looks good all the time.  Since I know that no one is on top of their game all the time, anyone pretending that everything is hunky dory alla time is just not telling the whole truth.

Now I understand the concept of “fake it til you make it”. I get the idea of putting your best foot forward. It’s obvious that the pursuit of personal excellence is a noble endeavor. I’m not talking about that stuff.

What I’m talking about here is the compulsive need some folks have to always look good. To appear constantly and imperviously successful, effective, smart, on top of things, competent, infallible. Me, I can’t relate.

Oh, I used to try to look perfect, believe me. At first it was a matter of survival, because errors and mistakes were not appreciated as learning opportunities in my family of origin. “If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all” was the mantra lectured to me by my rigid and unforgiving father. This does not promote healthy risk taking behavior, lemme tell ya. I spent my young life only doing those things I was immediately good at in order to avoid the criticism, harassment and disappointment of my father, upon whose reputation I reflected. I missed out on a lot of things because I wasn’t immediately proficient and so quit before I got caught looking bad.

So I get the compulsive need to look good, up close and personal.  But as I grew older, I began to notice the ease that some other people seemed to have in their own skin. They didn’t seem devastated to make a public error. They admitted their mistakes without shame, but with humility and honest grace.

It was stunning to me. It was bold and honest and unashamed and it looked a lot easier than trying to look good all the time. Riskier, yes, but so much simpler. So much less energy squandered.  It inspired confidence in me, too. I saw people committed to their own growth and contribution risking looking bad to do the right thing. I was impressed. I felt hope. If they could do it, maybe -I- could do it, too….

So I tried it myself. It was NOT comfortable and yet it felt so much better than the desperate attachment I’d had to looking good all the time. Now it’s a mindfulness practice of mine, a habit which frees me as it calls me to the truth. I’m not perfect at it, and I never will be. I still really want to look good, and hate it when I make a fool of myself. But I’ve come to know that I look a lot more foolish when I cling to my ego perspective than when I admit my flaws and errors without excuse.

Just be yourself. The pretense of perfection is ultimately transparent and pitiful. Admit your flaws, your mistakes, how you’ve failed or missed the mark.

As for me, I’m much more likely to believe your greatness when I perceive that you can relax through your imperfections, learn from them, and use them constructively. I watch for that sort of thing. I’ll bet you do, too. And I’ll bet you’re much more likely to trust and believe in those who have been through their own crucible and come out triumphant over those who have never struggled within and without. Am I right?

Name it, claim it, learn and grow. People will love and respect you for it. *grin* Trust me on this one.

Warrior-Preneur Ann Evanston

(Isn’t she gorgeous?)

I had the pleasure of taking Ann’s social media bootcamp back in November of last year. Her course seriously opened my eyes and gave me so many tools and so much information that every session was like drinking from a firehose! She over-delivers value and content that is cutting edge and eminently practical.

I went from keening in the corner with Twitterfear to fearless on Facebook.  I’ve been able to take what I’ve learned and build on that learning, adding my own discoveries and insights to create more value and engagement  than I ever thought possible.

Because of Ann’s bootcamp and the jumpstart it gave me, I’ve been able to add considerably to the Royal Coffers O’ Confidence.

Thanks, Ann, for your support, your courses and curriculum, your fierce warrior sexiness and passion for giving back! You’re a powerful leader and sterling example of social media done par excellence. Thanks for the honor and opportunity being named YOUR Fan of the Week gives me. In addition to all the great exposure this affords me, it also shows my excellent taste.

I can’t say this enough, people: Ann is THE expert in social media. Seek her and her wisdom out. You’ll profit from the connection. I know I have.

In closing, Id’ just like to state for the record that ANN EVANSTON ROCKS!

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

To recap: I was musing on the power of small but constant messaging in one’s life. Yeah, the big things matter big time, but the aggregate impact of small messages is something we can direct purposefully. We can build and strengthen our core confidence with these small, potent message mediums.

Oh yeah, time for “Just the Facts”, ma’am. Hey, Joe Friday from Dragnet was a very confident cat in his day.

I know a whole bunch of you are way ahead of me already, but let me spell this out anyway, in the following snappy little fact progression.

FACT #1: We all have the ability to reinforce either confidence or unease/uncertainty in ourselves.

FACT #2: We do this all the time, whether we realize it or not.

FACT #3: Our subconscious is a powerful force that we can harness for good or ill.

FACT #4: By creating small fun reinforcements of what it is we most want in and for ourselves, we engage the subconscious on a fundamental level.

FACT #5: Thoughts become things (thank you Mike Dooley)

FACT #6: More confidence reserves are “automagically” created by the subconscious through deliberately chosen thoughts and subliminal messages, these stores of confidence to be used at the will or whim of the conscious mind.

FACT # 7: Confident people make things happen.

Now here’s the deal: you’ve got to look at your day to day life and take stock of the tiny messages your habits and environment give your subconscious mind. What are you telling yourself? Are your messages those of fulfillment, ease, grace, FUN, prosperity, love?

Now I know that there are messages and input that you cannot change, because they come from sources over which you have no direct control. I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about the reallllllly little things you DO have control over, the little things that you do or say to yourself that flavor your life and your perceptions of your various circumstances.

Take a few moments right now, and change something small. You’re at your computer if you’re reading this, so why not change your browser theme, or the default font you use?  Go on, rearrange your desktop where you’re sitting to include messages printed or written out that inspire you to claim your own greatness. Wear the ring that makes you feel rich today. Make a new habit of using the good soap, the guest towels, the expensive perfume on yourself as a small but powerful statement of your worth. Tell yourself, “Oh Hell Yes!”

Oh, Hell Yes!

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

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This is the second in the series, “Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money”, about the phenomenon of male mid life crisis. In the first part, I talked about how a lot of men tend to look outside themselves for the causes of their discontent, and asserted that the root causes of their dissatisfaction are, in fact, internal.  Their circumstances are certainly symptomatic of not living a purposeful life.
If they knew to look inside themselves first, to engage in rigorous self examination, they’d be much more likely to come to the realization that they are the source of everything in their lives. They’d realize that in order to empower themselves they must evolve, examine and re-evaluate their core perceptions as well as their present practices, goals and behaviors. Always, it’s an inside job, first. Many men leave great lives they’ve built based on some significant and worthy core values before they realize that they can empower themselves right within the life they already have. They lack critical discernment.

Likewise, some men stay in situations far too long that are clearly toxic because they feel trapped by their circumstances, lack of meaningful direction and sense of feeling purposeless; and that comes from not going within, as well. It’s always an inside job. First and foremost, an inside job. Always always always.

Here’s what’s worse: as a society we neither support nor encourage men to take time for personal growth, vision quest, goal reassessment, life path correction, any of that. We fail to support our men in living rich lives, mistaking the attainment of financial gain or social reputation for true wealth. We sell them, and in turn ourselves, short by not empowering them to live purposefully. We pigeon hole them, limit them, dishonor them, assigning to them artificial values and inappropriate expectations that hamstring their abilities to truly excell. We fail to afford them either the time or adequate opportunities to do the essential soul searching that is critical for their ultimate fulfillment in work, in love, in Purpose.

A man without a sense of purpose is a sad thing indeed.
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In the next installment, I’ll be wrapping up this article series with some solutions and recommendations to hopefully mitigate the worst effects of male mid life crisis. Come back.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

During my long reign as Queen of Confidence I have witnessed many triumphs and tragedies of confidence played out before my wondering eyes. Periodically I’ll be sharing what I hope shall be regarded as pithy insights which are intended to act as cautionary tales and inspirational anecdotes as well as practical tools for improving one’s own sense of confidence. You’ll also find powerful questions, confidence tasks and useful affirmations included from time to time, meant to enhance your own sense of confidence. These tips will be shared sporadically, as the inspiration moves me. Keep coming back, because you never know what I’ll say. So there. Neener.

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Many of life’s keenest disappointments come from unmet expectations.

After all, it is rarely reality that in and of itself disappoints. Instead, it is when our expectations are not met that we experience the greatest disappointment. We make up these stories about how it will be when X happens, and then when X fails to materialize, we are disproportionally crushed in relation to what actually happened. We let ourselves become so invested in the form of our expectations that it feels like reality crushes us under the weight of our unmet expectations.

The lesson is not, as you might at this point surmise, to lower your expectations, but rather to separate your emotional investment in the expectations from the eventual outcome. Be willing to find the gifts in the unexpected outcomes. Frequently, they exceed our former expectations anyway.

In short, dream big and expect a miracle. Do not expect it to come true in precisely the way you envision. Instead, become enthralled with the anticipation of good things to come, and set aside your attachment to the forms in which your miracles appear. Most likely, they will not fit your original pictures. This is a wonderful thing, because you cannot ever dream bigger than the Universe loves you.

What did you expect?

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Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence (click to become a facebook fan)
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

In Part One of this short series, I talked about my passion for perseverance in Purpose. And, I left you, gentle readers, hanging. Wait no longer. Here then, as promised, is the conclusion of “Quitting before the miracle”.

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HERE’S THE COOL PART:

This self awareness is not peculiar to me. Over and over I see confused, uncertain people leave their Life Purpose session or one of my Life Purpose Discovery seminars lit up, transformed by the natural clarity of Purpose.

Some are awe-struck by the scope and splendor of their unique Life Purpose. Some get giddy. Some grow thoughtful and deeply introspective. Others express a sense of “I always suspected it was something like this, but now I know for sure”.

It’s this inner knowing that confers for some people the first feelings of true courage they’ve ever really felt. And I dare anyone to witness these realizations in person without being deeply moved. When I see what this knowing does for people, I want to bring that level of confidence and surety to everyone. It’s one of the best things ever.

It takes courage to be true to yourself and to what you know is right. It takes courage to claim one’s birthright, brilliance, gifts, talents, mad skills. It takes courage to admit when you’re wrong, when you’ve erred, when you’ve failed to do as you said. It takes great courage to stay your course when those around you doubt. Confidence is born of adherence to one’s own inner clarity and sense of direction. This kind of confidence is born of Purpose.

What is the source of your confidence?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

Your Confidence Tip of the Day:

To succeed, learn to fail well. What this means is to wring every possible piece of learning and wisdom you can from every challenging experience and unexpected outcome. In this way, mistakes become a natural building block for greater confidence. You can create stellar opportunities of gold from the dross of mistakes well made, if you are willing to become humble and learn. It’s not the mistake that really matters, you see; it’s how you use it to forward yourself and your dearest dreams.

And more important than everything is this: resilience. Cultivating resilience enables you to move forward meaningfully and with renewed vigor after a set back. As Rev. Douglass Fitch says, “A setback is just a set up for a comeback.” Amen.

To quote General George Patton, “I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”

How high do you bounce?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

Your Confidence Tip of the Day: Associate with greatness, encourage personal excellence.

The most confident people do not fear the greatness of others. They know that their own reputation and life experience are immeasurably enhanced by association with other accomplished and talented people.  Indeed, truly confident people seek out the company of people whose own path calls them to greatness. They know it rubs off…..

Furthermore, grounded, confident people encourage greatness in others. They deliberately cultivate excellence from within and without. They pursue their dreams and desires with passion and conviction while lifting others as they climb. This is wisdom in action.

In its highest manifestation, confidence is generous. It naturally seeks to enhance, appreciate and contribute.

When you act in accordance with your own Highest Self from a place of Purpose, the very best kind of confidence springs forth to support your endeavors.

What is your Purpose?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence, and you can, too!”