Gabourey Sidibe takes confidence to new heights!

“Nuff said.

Which of these PITFALLS apply to you?

1) Negative self talk: This dandy includes internal beratement as well as what I like to call “the stories we tell ourselves”. These stories include seemingly “factual” declarations such as, “I can’t rely on anyone else ever”, “No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead”, “The world is not a nice place”, “Money is scarce”.

The best and fastest solution to counteract the ill effects of this sort of toxic self talk is to shout “STOP” in your head every time you realize you’re talking crappy to yourself. Take a deep breath. Then use a positive affirmation immediately to counteract it. I like these, “Even before I begin, I am made of win!” and “I, <name>, am continually showered with blessings.”

2) Refusing help: Over and over I see really smart people do the same dumb thing: when faced with a daunting challenge or circumstance they do not ask for help. They fail to use the abundant resources around them, and then wonder why their lives are so hard. Even worse, those same people outright refuse fine, useful offers of assistance, help, support, and encouragement. They stubbornly, steadfastly insist that they can do everything just fine all by themselves in the face of contradictory results. They refuse to acknowledge that they are allowing, yes even encouraging their pride, ego, embarrassment or stubbornness to make their lives harder by requiring personal effort instead of expanding their life skills repertoire to include delegation, inclusion, and cooperation.

(whew, that was wordy)

Here’s what I know: we did not incarnate on a planet of over 6 billion people to do everything alone, fercrissakes. In fact, the very smartest, most savvy folks I’ve ever known have sought out help (assistance, cooperation, support) early and often. It’s one of the key practices that materially contributes to their overall success in life.

For more information about getting quality help, please refer to my recent blog series, “Get some allies!”

In the next part of this series I’ll be disclosing another couple of pitfalls and sharing some strategies for avoiding and/or dealing with them.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

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So, what makes a good ally? For personal or business allies, the criteria are the same:

• Shares your ethical values
• Demonstrates good judgment
• Doing their best to live their life according to their Highest Self
• Tells you the truth
• Celebrates your success enthusiastically
• Demonstrates goodwill as a main character trait

And these three critical humdingers:

• Has your best interests at heart
• Has your back (is loyal)
• Encourages your growth, prosperity and purposeful risk taking

You don’t choose allies out of fear or not wanting to hurt their feelings. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s not a contest at all. This is about picking a team/tribe/community to surround you who will help you cultivate and express your best.

Here’s an easy, straightforward method for helping you distinguish between allies and them what ain’t.

First, make a list of everyone in your life who you love, trust, admire, are close with, respect, spend time with regularly and/or are related to.  Make the list thorough; when in doubt, include them.

Then run every single name on that list through the list of ally qualities above. Be honest, and trust your gut over your “better judgment” here. Who are your real allies? I’ll bet there are surprises and disappointments on that list. You’ve quickly become aware that some folks who you thought were your allies aren’t. But on the bright side, some folks you might have never previously considered turned up as candidates for future alliances.

Now, there will be a short list of people whom you hold in highest esteem. Make a list comprising the top 5 of these worthies.

Here’s the risky, delicious, really cool fun part: go ask each and every one of them to be your ally. The folks who pass your litmus test will say yes. Really, they will. Tell them your plans, hopes, goals and dreams. Ask theirs, and after listening intently, propose an alliance between you to assist each other in the achievement of each other’s goals. Some allies will offer energetic support. Others will offer practical support and solutions.

Go ahead, prove me right. Ask, and enjoy the advantages that having allies will bring your increasingly fabulous life.

Ask. I dare you.

Did you stop to think that I might be your ally?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra boost of confidence every now and again.”

Now it’s time to talk about who to choose as your allies. The allies you choose will be instrumental on your path to success. The wrong choices can materially contribute to your failures. It’s up to you to choose wisely and well. Hoo boy, no pressure there, huh?

Okay, so what IS an ally? Allies are the people with whom you deliberately create strategic alliances for your mutual betterment. You share common goals, values, and optimal operating practices with these people. You know how they feel, because they call you forth and gladly encourage your greatness.

You might assume that all your friends and family are automatically your allies. Not so fast. In many instances, they’re not. They want what they want for you, clouded with their fears for your well being, their projections, their insecurities, their attachments and agenda for how they think you should be living your life. At their worst, they are likely to act jealous and profoundly unsupportive. They might mean well (or not), but they’re just not necessarily the best default choices.  As a matter of fact, when it comes to choosing allies, there ARE no default choices.

Now don’t get me wrong. Some of your friends and family, former teachers, mentors, coaches, classmates, business partners, colleagues and spiritual advisors can make GREAT allies. But choose carefully. Just because they express love and support does not mean they’ll encourage your growth, especially if your growth comes to threaten the way they live their own life or their present relationship with you. They might actually come to deeply resent you.

Your allies can come from any part of your life. In preparation for Part 3 of this series, make a list of everyone you think might be a potential ally, whether they are an ally of yours now, or even if you don’t know if you’d dare to ask them to be your ally (or not). We’ll be doing some great examination of your list with the contents of the next post. Stay tuned.

Who do you think your allies might be?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra wee dram of confidence every now and again.”

Society, humanity, tribe, family, partners. While our similarities draw us together, it’s really the differences that make it go. The differences between us give our world richer flavor, greater opportunities, more options. We can use those differences to drive our research, ignite our passions, inspire our art and music. They exalt us, challenge us, delight and surprise us.

I am pleased to live in a Bubble of Extreme Tolerance AKA the San Francisco Bay Area. Here we have all manner of folks, from arch conservatives to tree huggers, haute couture to Haight Ashbury, gender benders to traditionalists, all religions to “None, thank you” and everybody in between.  Here you either get over your petty prejudices or you are miserable from exposure. This glorious diversity affords great opportunities for celebrating what makes you different.

Yeah, you. Sitting there reading this blogpost. Hello. What makes you different?  Where are your square bits that don’t quite fit the round holes of society?

Come on, out with them. Everybody has something that makes them different. Your divine differences are exactly what the world wants, craves, needs. Your differences enrich us, touch us, move us to action and emotion. Your differences are provocative, stimulating, unnerving and edgy. They make us think. Differently.

Your differences make you who you are, as special as that clichéd snowflake and likewise worthy of great praise.

Too often we make ourselves wrong for being different, as though our unique qualities are flaws when they are in truth the spice for our individual and collective stew. Release the bonds of fitting in. Let your freak flag fly. Un-apologize. Be unrepentantly yourself, from soup to nuts. In this way, you relax into who you really are, and from there, confidence springs up naturally. Lovely uplifting confidence. And all you have to do to get it is be yourself without reservation. Warts and all. Ever so different.

It’s time now to embrace that which makes you different, unique, special. Time to celebrate!

So show us your differences. Reveal your unique qualities so that we may celebrate them. So that we may celebrate you. For truly, what makes you different changes the world. And for that, mille grazie.

“I, <your name>, honor what is different in me even as I strive for improvement.”

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everyone can use an extra wee dram of confidence every now and again.”

Here’s the first part of a pearl …

GET SOME ALLIES.

Every successful person in the world has used help to get where they were going. The smartest sought out assistance early and often and continue to ask when in need. Only the most clueless and stubborn people refuse to get help. Let’s face it, we didn’t incarnate on a planet of over 6 billion people to do everything by ourselves.

Dump the bad old ways.

This is the perfect opportunity to rid yourself of any old notions you might have about asking for help. After all, misplaced pride or a sense of shame has no place on the path of a purposeful life. Any opinions, emotions or feelings that prevent you from accessing all the resources available to you are hindrances to the authentic expression of your Life Purpose. Turn away from the folly of thinking you need to do everything on your own. Remind yourself over and over as many times as it takes that it’s smart to ask for help. It does not profit you, nor does it profit the world to think otherwise.

Here’s a basic fact about Life Purpose: All Life Purposes are complimentary to one another.

What this rightly implies is that they are meant to be used and expressed in concert with others. We are meant to help one another along our paths of self fulfillment. Even in the most solitary of lives or activities, it is important to remember that living in accordance with our Purpose helps to promote and sustain that energy in others as it nourishes ourselves.

Help comes in many forms. One of the most readily available forms of help comes from other people. We call those people allies.

It’s a great idea to enlist the aid of as many allies as you can get to assist you in living a purposeful life. Actually, it’s more than a great idea, it’s a necessity for most if not all Life Plans to enlist the help of allies in order to live richly.

Come back soon for the follow up to this post, wherein I shall discuss what makes someone an ally.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence. Care for a wee dram?”

RESENTMENT:  Indignation or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance.

Sometimes I resent “having” to blog regularly for my business. I admit it. So, I thought I’d blog about resenting blogging.

Then I looked up the word resentment and got a bit embarassed. Imagined grievance. *wince* That hits home.

You see, I imagined that I had a grievance in the first place. My grievance was even embodied. “Well, because Ann Evanston said I need to blog for my business I’d better friggin’ do it. After all, Ann is watching my every move.”  Typing out the imagined grievance just now made me laugh at its absurdity. I’d managed to get my knickers in a mighty twist not just once, but repeatedly over this one resentment. And half it it was based on a fantasy.  Sheesh, Molly.

Now I see it for its folly. Not only that, but it’s changed the direction of this blog post midstream. I was gonna wax rhapsodic and wise about resentment. Now I see a new way to come at this whole resentment thing.

Writing down the resentment made me see it for what it was. Imagined. Over emotionalized. Irrational. And most of all, costly. Putting it down on virtual paper gave it a shape outside myself, helped me see it with  fresh eyes.

RESENTMENT: a great tool for keeping oneself stuck. Feel free to stick it out, or do what I just did. Write it down. Look at it. Examine it from all angles. And then, I invite you do what I did. Laugh at yourself lovingly for being human, forgive yourself, and then do the thing you formerly resented.

Hot Damn, this sh*t works!

RESENTMENT: a great opportunity to get off it.

I love my work.

Your affirmation: “I, <name> learn and prosper from everything in my life.”

p.s. YAY Ann Evanston!

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence. Care for a wee dram?”

VITALITY

Which we have already ascertained is cool for being a peculiarity, amongst other things. Now let’s talk about vitality and Life Purpose.

The daily practice of Purpose driven living encourages you to expand your present relationship with the peculiar quality of vitality that is yours alone. Through the discovery and use of your unique Life Purpose, your experience and expression of vitality is enhanced and deepened. You’ll find this increases your satisfaction in every aspect of your life, from your work to your love relationships to your spirituality to your playtime.

You’ll also become more keenly aware of all the things in your life that you have to be grateful for, and you’ll become better able to express that gratitude with ease and joy. This effectively engages the Law of Attraction on your behalf, creating ever expanding opportunities to be grateful.

You’lll notice that one of the synonyms for vitality is strength. I posit that this is because vitality bespeaks a kind of inner resilience and solidity borne of an acute awareness of one’s own Life Force. Further, it is this solidity that translates into the other synonym for vitality, stability. To possess an abundance of vitality naturally implies the stability that is indeed synonymous with reliable strength, both with vigor of body as well as of spirit.

An increase in vitality is one of the effects of knowing your Life Purpose, and of living it. When you do what you’re meant to be doing, you’ll experience an increase in overall happiness, satisfaction, and vitality just by doing it.

Abundant vitality, now that’s MY kind of peculiar.

Do you fully experience YOUR vitality?

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”

VITALITY.

A glorious word full of possibilities. But what does it mean, and why might you care, anyway?

On the quest for a better understanding of the word, I looked it up in the dictionary. Here’s what I found:

vitality: 1) a. the peculiarity that distinguishes the living from the non living b. the capacity to live and develop; also: physical or intellectual vigor, energy 2) a. power of enduring b. lively and animated character. 3) the capacity to live, grow, or develop. Synonyms: life, stability, strength.

I just love that what makes us alive is characterized as a “peculiarity”. How perfectly splendid.

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is
translated through you into action, and because there is only one
of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block
it, it will never exist through any other medium and (will) be
lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to
determine how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it
compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it
yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” Martha Graham

So here you are, already possessed of one of the greatest gifts life has to offer: vitality. It is your birthright, and it is up to each and every one of us to safeguard it, to nurture it and cultivate its employ in our day to day lives, lest we be reduced to merely existing.

Most of all, enjoy your glorious vitality. Let it flavor your life and fill your days with abundant energy to fulfill your desires, dreams, and Life Purpose. More on Purpose and vitality in the conclusion of this series. Stay tuned!

An affirmation about vitality: “I, <your name>, act with abundant vitality in the service of my dreams.”

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and I share!”

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Here’s what I’ve learned about Life Purpose and and Universe at large: the Universe delights in giving us gifts. All the time.

Really.

The trick is to follow the juice. Okay, so what the hell is “the juice”?

“The juice” is that which lights you up, makes you happy, feels good and right and natural and most of all feels effortlessly powerful. It’s the energy that keeps you up ’til 3AM working on a project, the magic elixir that turns a long day of work into something to be proud of and excited about. It’s also the people that come into your life seemingly by “accident” (there’s no such thing, by the way) that are dynamic and inspiring and healthy to be around. “The juice” is enriching and forwarding and delicious. Always.

“The juice” is the river you ride that makes your dreams into goals and then into reality. It is the empowering force of Nature that beckons us towards our best selves. It is ever present, pervasive, ubiquitous. It’s everywhere, and everywhen.

Where’s your juice? It’s usually in your Grand Passions, and your Life Purpose. It’s in your great loves and your humble service. To access it, practice giving in to it. Let it guide you into shops and parks, museums and grocery store, libraries, forests, tree houses and other unexpected adventures.

Say, “yes” to your own juice. Follow your curiosity, your instincts and your nose. Take a chance and prove to yourself that this simple awareness has the power to change the world for the better. Try it, you’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Start with you. Follow the juice. Do the doing, be the being, LIVE.

Life is where the juice is.

Where is your life juicy?

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Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“I’ve bottled confidence and you can, too!”