Oh GAWD I’m tired!

You know what’s really craaaaazy? There are people who really think all this can be done by one human. I’m here to tell you that those people are crazy f*ckers. No one I know or have heard of can do all that alone.

Further, when did it become fashionable/optimal/realistic to expect one person to get all that done consistently without a lick of help?

I find myself yearning for a slower, simpler pace. Not so many balls to juggle. And what that tells me is that I’ve been trying to spread myself too thin. To do too much all at once. When I get like that, NOTHING gets done. I get what I like to call “opportunity paralysis”.

It’s not that i don’t know what to do, or that there’s nothing TO do. It’s that there are so many varied and important things to do that I get caught like a deer in the headlights of my juggernaut of a task list. And just like that, BOOM!, I’m reduced to a state of slightly panicky indecision. Sound at all familiar?

When I change my usual scenery I can get ahead of the trap of this particular flavor of crazy. From that place of renewed clarity it’s possible to take stock and then realize that I’ve once again fallen into the seductive trap of trying too hard to do it all. Now. Personally.

Lemme tell ya, thar be dragons. Dragons of demand, specters of deadlines unmade and reputation ruined. Monsters constructed of the fear of disappointing others, of disappointing myself, of not measuring up to those paragons of productivity who somehow can do it all so why can’t I? These suckers can get HUGE!

The only antidotes I know that really work are not about getting more done, but about pace. About grace. They involve scaling back, taking less on, not trying so damned hard that I get overwhelmed and spun like cotton candy at a country fair.

The internal cross talk is impressive. The crazy goes a bit more bonkers as it gets less buy-in. For a while it’s not productive or fun at all, and kinda chaotic inside. Let go, breathe, blog. Let go, breathe, walk. Let go, breathe, make cookies. Let go, breathe, breathe, let go. I’m not this chatter. Over and over and over until I feel like I can make one small, decent choice. One tiny thing.

And well, you know what that choice was. Stop trying so damned hard, fercrissakes, Molly me lass. What, you thought I was talking to you?

And now that this particular variety of crazy is not in charge for the moment, I can make better choices again. Choices to winnow down the list, to delegate, to ask for help, to pay for help, but most of all to RELAX for a bit and stop trying so hard, fercrissakes.

Weird thing is that when I stop trying so hard I get more done and feel a lot better about myself.

“Do or do not. There is no try.”Yoda was right. Trying makes me crazy. CRAZY.

My To Do List: Stop trying altogether. Do less, accomplish more.

I think I”m on to something here.

I’ll keep you posted.

She is utterly confident. There is no false bravado in her, no edge or artifice. She is simply curious and friendly, uncomplicated and powerful, unafraid to engage the objects of her considerable attention. Athena is a force of Nature.

Her eyes always light up when she sees me, very much as though we’ve known each other for many years and she clearly delights in our reunion. I find this enchanting and do not doubt that she and I have known each other before.

Today my mighty, tiny goddess incarnate fixed me with dancing green eyes from under her strawberry blonde bangs and inquired,

“Are you happy today?”

She placidly waited for an answer.

This little Bodhisattva, this sprite, this fae child of grace, naturally cares about my happiness. Naturally. It is not some socially contrived artifice or self seeking cleverness. Athena cares.

I was momentarily dumbstruck. I am used to such questions from other human development folks, gurus, some of my more conscious friends, in workshop settings or seminars, and from folks trying to sell me something.

“I am very well indeed, and thank you so much for asking, my dear. ” I replied, unable to do anything but smile down at that divine little countenance. She is pleased to connect with me, it’s obvious.

A conversation of not much real import ensued for several minutes, in which she was alternately completely engrossed in our repartee and quick to share the distractions that captured her fancy.  I feel like I’ve known her forever.

How often do we encounter spirits we’ve danced with before, and never stop to acknowledge it? We are barely aware of our moments of deja-vu, we hurry past those twinkles of recognition. All too quickly we rush through our precious days, bent on accomplishments and accompanying metrics to measure our successes. All the while, all around us are old friends in new skins, and new conversations just waiting to be had.

Thanks, Athena’s mom, for the ease and largess. Thanks for bringing my friend to the Madhouse this morning. Thanks, Athena, for recognizing me again, and for rekindling our connection. Thanks loving me enough to ask me that really important,  really cool question. And thanks for really wanting to hear the answer. You’re a good friend.

“Are you happy today?”

Far away from care

And let me write, or think and dream

Perhaps just sit and stare at nothing, sweet nothing.

Let me be still

For I strive far too much

In this workaday world

Out of sync with rhythms primal

Habits simple, out of whack.

I could use some soothing

Sounds of water, hawk, wind

to wash away my busy mind.

Small miracles catch me, bewitch me

And then I remember to breathe deep

So life fills me to bursting

Bursting, I tell you.

“Become” I hear, “…become”

Be. Come. I overthink

And then I get lost. Again.

Sit with me, friend.

Abide with me in companionable silence

Let your breath ebb and flow

As the sweet day passes softly

Beneath our bare feet.

Give over your cares and concerns

Lay back and count clouds.

These moments are too precious

To waste in staying busy.

There is always more to do

More to accomplish

More to achieve

It’s all so wearying sometimes.

Abide with me, friend

Let the day slip by.

Leave the pressures

Of your very important life

The world will keep spinning

While you do

Nothing.

As Michael Pritchard says, “Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.” Yup.

Fears are usually nothing more than sick fantasies we’ve made up to scare ourselves into protecting ourselves somehow.

Sometime ago we chose to survive. Likewise, is some way or another, somewhere in our past we decided that being safe was preferable to growing.  That facing or moving through the fear simply MUST be worse than avoiding it. That the dread we willingly inflict upon ourselves is somehow easier to bear than the fear we dare not face.

And we’re wrong. Oh, so wrong.

No matter how scalding or searing the fear we face and walk through is, it truly pales by experience in comparison to that dread. Dread goes on and on and on. It saps our enthusiasms, our joys, our happiness, our energies. It becomes a chronically unhealed wound. And like a tooth that’s lost its filling, we are drawn to stick our tongue in the hole to make sure it still hurts.

And it does.

Dread cannot survive where fear is met lucidly, with Purpose of intent and allies at your back. It becomes superfluous, and you begin to experience it clearly as an unnecessary encumbrance, a nuisance more and more easily put aside.

But own your fear? What the @&$% does that mean?

Well, it comes down to this: if you don’t own your fears, they will own you. You will be nothing more than a marionette suspended from strings that jerk your around by your irrational short and curlies to your detriment and the cost of the world. Yes, the cost of the world. For while you’re paralyzed by your dread and avoiding the fears that own you through your avoidance, the world suffers from  the lack of your true presence, from the joy of receiving your gifts.

Yes, you. Precious gifts. Really.

Claim your fears. Own them, and in doing so, gain dominion over them. Do not resist them in foolish squandered hours of dread. Take the hands of your allies, take a deep breath, and take a step through your False Expectations Appearing Real and into the Real World, which is hungry for you.

Hungry. For you.

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Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

Personally, I don’t really trust someone who looks good all the time.  Since I know that no one is on top of their game all the time, anyone pretending that everything is hunky dory alla time is just not telling the whole truth.

Now I understand the concept of “fake it til you make it”. I get the idea of putting your best foot forward. It’s obvious that the pursuit of personal excellence is a noble endeavor. I’m not talking about that stuff.

What I’m talking about here is the compulsive need some folks have to always look good. To appear constantly and imperviously successful, effective, smart, on top of things, competent, infallible. Me, I can’t relate.

Oh, I used to try to look perfect, believe me. At first it was a matter of survival, because errors and mistakes were not appreciated as learning opportunities in my family of origin. “If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all” was the mantra lectured to me by my rigid and unforgiving father. This does not promote healthy risk taking behavior, lemme tell ya. I spent my young life only doing those things I was immediately good at in order to avoid the criticism, harassment and disappointment of my father, upon whose reputation I reflected. I missed out on a lot of things because I wasn’t immediately proficient and so quit before I got caught looking bad.

So I get the compulsive need to look good, up close and personal.  But as I grew older, I began to notice the ease that some other people seemed to have in their own skin. They didn’t seem devastated to make a public error. They admitted their mistakes without shame, but with humility and honest grace.

It was stunning to me. It was bold and honest and unashamed and it looked a lot easier than trying to look good all the time. Riskier, yes, but so much simpler. So much less energy squandered.  It inspired confidence in me, too. I saw people committed to their own growth and contribution risking looking bad to do the right thing. I was impressed. I felt hope. If they could do it, maybe -I- could do it, too….

So I tried it myself. It was NOT comfortable and yet it felt so much better than the desperate attachment I’d had to looking good all the time. Now it’s a mindfulness practice of mine, a habit which frees me as it calls me to the truth. I’m not perfect at it, and I never will be. I still really want to look good, and hate it when I make a fool of myself. But I’ve come to know that I look a lot more foolish when I cling to my ego perspective than when I admit my flaws and errors without excuse.

Just be yourself. The pretense of perfection is ultimately transparent and pitiful. Admit your flaws, your mistakes, how you’ve failed or missed the mark.

As for me, I’m much more likely to believe your greatness when I perceive that you can relax through your imperfections, learn from them, and use them constructively. I watch for that sort of thing. I’ll bet you do, too. And I’ll bet you’re much more likely to trust and believe in those who have been through their own crucible and come out triumphant over those who have never struggled within and without. Am I right?

Name it, claim it, learn and grow. People will love and respect you for it. *grin* Trust me on this one.

I had a bit of an epiphany this afternoon on my way to a comfort food lunch with one of my BFFs. I was musing upon the nature of manifestation, and came to a new level of clarity.

The Universe operates like a mail order catalog. When you order something from a catalog, you look at a picture of the thing you want, decide that you want it and that it will be yours, you place the order and then wait in perfect faith (certainty) knowing that your stuff will arrive.

With the Universe, same thing.  You order, you pay, and then you get what you ordered. Only get this: we pay for what we know and believe is coming to us in one of two ways. I came to realize today that we either think (and so it is) that we pay through our suffering, OR

We pay with our bliss.

I get it now. When you place your order with the Universe for that you know and believe is coming to you (that you deserve, is your karma, what’s coming to you based on how worthy you think you are, etc etc), but expect your suffering to pay for it, you get hardship, trials and tribulations, because you gotta pay in kind for what you expect is coming to you.

HOWEVER….

When you place your order with the Universe for something great, abide in perfect faith/certainty knowing that it is coming to you, and then immediately follow your bliss, that becomes payment in kind for your order, which is then delivered.

The key here is that following your bliss is the necessary payment for your dreams. Not your toil, your struggles, your challenges or your disappointments. They are merely landmarks along the way that show you when you’ve gotten off track or lost your focus/faith.

Another point is that you must pay for what you’ve ordered before delivery. This means that it is folly to wait until your dreams come true to then allow yourself to follow your bliss. That’s bass ackward. Act on your Life Purpose, follow your bliss FIRST whilst knowing that your order is being paid for, and delightful coolness shall certainly ensue.

The Universe is prepared and capable of fulfilling your every dearest dream and wildest wish, but you MUST follow your bliss to receive it. A life of relentless toil is not the way to true happiness, nor is a life of making do. The buoyant, powerful energy of someone acting in accordance with their Highest most joyful Self is the payment the Universe requires to make good on your order.

After all, the brass ring ain’t on a treadmill, it’s on a carousel.

What do you believe is on its way to you? You’re right, you know.

I have a strong affinity for Facebook. I’ve connected with old friends, made new ones, and get most of my business there nowadays. Sometimes people ask great questions on Facebook that bear repeating. Today on my Facebook (Molly Burke, Queen of Confidence) fan page I was asked:

Madame Molly, QOC and Coach to the Stars (or soon to be stars): What would you suggest to an artist who has a project underway but not completed yet – is it appropriate to set up a fan page at this point? If blogging, what sort of things should one be sure to write about? Or is it all just too soon?

Oooh, tantalizing terrain for the QoC.

Here’s my answer:

First, I don’t think it’s too soon. Creating buzz by blogging about the process/journey can really expand the artist’s fan base before the work is complete. It creates and enhances anticipation.

SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO THE ARTISTS OUT THERE:

Be sure to write about your life and work the same way that you talk to friends, this will make your voice online uniquely you. Be pithy and brief. More often is better than more length per post, when it comes to blogging. Tell the truth about challenges and triumphs, share inspirations (yours and those that keep you going). Post bits about your personal creative process, and also post bits of your work in progress to get valuable feedback and further encourage fans to pre-order (you can at least get their names for a waiting list at some point this way).

Selling in advance based on the buzz about a partially finished work is becoming more and more commonplace. LOTS of folks pre-sell, and this money can be used to complete the project. Cool, huh?

As for setting up a fan page now: YES! The sooner an artist puts themselves out there, the sooner they get noticed. Anonymous artists rarely get noticed at all.

ONE FINAL COMMENT: We are ALL artists, each creating the magnum opus that is our life. Get out there and give your gifts lavishly, they are meant for you to share, not hoard. That’s why they’re called gifts.

Hope these answers can be of service.

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For the whole conversation (which was juicy and wonderful), check out Molly Burke, Queen of Confidence on Facebook.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everybody can use a boost of confidence every now and again”

In an all text medium like the internet, genuine literacy really does matter to a lot of people, myself included. Bad grammar and ignorance do not inspire confidence in folks, believe me.

And if you want to inspire confidence online, you’re best served by making damnsure that the language you use actually says what you mean to say. Otherwise you just look like a dolt.

I’m going to take a few minutes right now to illuminate the differences between a couple of my favorite homonyms.

The first set is they’re, their, there. They’re is a contraction for THEY ARE. “THEY’RE (they are) going to the movies later.” THEIR is a possessive word, “they’re (THEY ARE) going to the movies with *THEIR* mother”. The last one of these is THERE, referring to location. “They’re (THEY ARE) going over *THERE* to that movie with THEIR mother.”

YOUR and YOU’RE. Okay, this one drives me friggin nuts. YOUR is possessive, as in “let’s use YOUR rocket launcher”. YOU’RE is a contraction for YOU ARE. Therefore it is impossible for *shudder* YOU’RE rocket launcher to misfire, because that would actually be saying something nonsensical. YOU ARE rocket launcher cannot misfire, but YOUR rocket launcher can. Likewise, it’s not “YOUR a nice person” which does not make any sense (it begs the question “your what is a nice person, your dog, your mailman, your avatar?”), but rather “YOU ARE a nice person”. Geddit?

I gotta stop now before I implode. Time to take my grammatically ornery self to the beach. Later!

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Even before I begin, I am made of win!”

My life is changing. It is not comfortable. In fact, some of it is downright painful. Such is the price of resistance.

Here is what I know to be true for me: That I am blessed beyond measure. The Universe constantly conspires on my behalf. I always come out smelling like a rose. I don’t need to have all my ducks in a row to go for a swim. I am ultimately safe and loved.

There comes a day when you finally get it that you just don’t have the whole picture, and that you’re doing the best you can with imperfect, incomplete information. In that moment, things shift.  In that instant, you realize that much of life’s truths must be taken on what can only be called (for lack of a better term) faith.

Further, you get that you’re not the only one operating like this, with imperfect information, acting on something akin to faith on a daily basis. Everybody does. Everybody.

Sometimes ya just gotta accept that essential truth in a new way, with a new depth of recognition. Not a giving up, or a giving in, or a helpless acceptance of what is, mind you. Just a more accurate observation of the now.

Resolute resignation or maybe a sort of sad acceptance? Yeah, sometimes it’s that.

But sometimes it’s just about letting go of the illusion of control. Actually, that’s the key to it. Ya gotta let go of that need to exert dominance over your circumstances and then embrace the other paradoxical piece.

Here’s the paradox: Our beliefs create our reality, so ultimately, we’re in complete control of our lives.

The test, the task, then, is to accept and experience the truth that we are the authors of our existence. That we are the very source of our challenges and triumphs. And that the world simply and accurately reflects in our circumstances what we genuinely hold as truth.

You gotta own your dominion over your inner landscape, and the power it holds over your experience of your circumstances.

Coming into greater harmony within naturally creates greater ease without. Let go of the illusion of  control and you become empowered to accept your creation, to love it, and to move to change what does not serve. This is a state of grace, noble and appropriate, expansive and potent.

Your lesson is to welcome the lesson.

And by you, I mean me, of course.

This is an ongoing series of posts on various subjects for which I lacked a decent Google-searchable keyword title. Searching Google for ideas produced, “PEARLS OF WISDOM”, which has such a rich flavor of hubris and chuzpah that I just HAD to use it.

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That’s right, infallible paragons of virtue piss me off. Really. Mostly because they don’t exist in Nature, but people expect that they do anyway. They expect others to adhere to their unrealistic standards of behavior and attainment. And real people don’t. They really don’t.

No one is perfect. No one infallible. We are all deliciously flawed, faced with challenges, and if we’re paying attention, growing throughout our rich lives. No one comes to life fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus. We learn, we grow, we change, we evolve.

One of the great things about being the Queen of Confidence is knowing at my very core that perfection is not necessary to be effective, inspiring, or royal. Heck, the progeny of my colleague Liz Windsor are living proof of that last one. I’m living proof of the first two.

People, people, people, give up on perfection in me or in anyone else. Especially in yourself. Stop tormenting yourself for being human.

Now I’m not saying stop striving to improve and better yourself, or stop learning and growing, here. What I AM saying is that you gotta lighten up, people. Ease up on your frankly unreasonable expectations of perfection for yourself and for others. Learn instead to recognize the nobility, the adaptability, the exquisite humanity in us all.

Give yourself a break. Give us all a break. Expect excellence, grace, contribution. Eschew perfection. We’ll all be happier.

Yes? Yes.

Molly Burke CPCC MSU
Queen of Confidence
www.lifepurposeworks.com
“Everybody can use a boost of confidence every now and again!”